THE LATEST NEWS in beauty pageants is that Miss America organizers are re-evaluating the swimsuit competition. Sort of.
Actually, they're doing the politically correct thing and allowing the American public to do the re-evaluating.Leonard Horn, the head of the Miss America organization, just announced that the 75th anniversary show, to air live on NBC Sept. 16, will ask viewers to call a 900 number to say yes or no on swim-suits.
If the people vote them down, they will do the noble thing and kill the swimsuit competition on the spot.
"It's young women putting on swimsuits to compete for scholarships. It's a very serious issue."
Hmmm. I guess they've been getting some criticism.
Last year, they dropped stockings and heels from the swimsuit event in favor of bare legs and feet.
That helps a little. Connoisseurs of beauty think high heels enhance the attractiveness of a woman's legs.
Actually, Horn claimed today's swimsuits are far from titillating.
"You can see more on `Bay-watch.' "
He would know.
Horn said this was the year for the pageant to take a risk. "We've even had anthropologists looking into it."
What for? Will anthropologists tabulate the results?
We can tabulate which states prefer swimsuits and which do not. We can see which states lean toward a more progressive point of view and which are from the dark ages.
We might even see which Americans are closest to the accepted anthropological interpretation, whatever that is.
KSL-TV was so excited about the news that they used it as a teaser. That's OK - might be their last chance.
"Call and tell us whether you prefer swimsuits in the Miss America Pageant. We will announce the results at the end of the newscast."
I was sitting on the edge of my seat. Finally, at 10:34, Keith McCord announced the results, "55 percent say KEEP THE SWIM-SUITS."
But he was wrong.
"I'm sorry. I meant JUST THE OPPOSITE. The callers actually favored dumping the swimsuits by 55 percent to 45 percent."
That is right here in Utah, where beauty pageants have always flourished. I immediately thought of the annual July "Bathing Beauty Parade" held in Nephi once again this year.
Could it be the Nephi ritual is actually in jeopardy, too?
It's a clever ploy, actually.
Whatever the decision, Horn can blame it on democracy. "We'll just let the people decide whether they want the Miss America Pageant to be an evening to watch babes or not."
Surely, that will end carping from progressive types who think beauty pageants are little more than meat markets. I haven't forgotten that the Miss America Pageant is actually a "scholarship pageant."
Sure. You mean you don't tune in and judge each entrant in your own home on the basis of her BEAUTY?
"How did SHE get in? Wow, they grow them ugly in North Dakota, don't they? Isn't she a little OLD? Look how she WALKS."
And when they get to the top 10 and the top five, don't you have your personal favorites? What gauge do you use? Brains? Talent? Social skills? Perkiness?
Even if the swimsuit competition bites the dust, would that change?
I don't think so.
Karen Lehrman, author of the new book, "The Liberated Woman," hit it on the head. "The whole notion of a beauty pageant is so anachronistic, they should just let it remain in all its stifling purity."
Amen.