IT WAS ONE thing when Americans had to start drafting professional Dream Teams to beat the Croatians in basketball. It was another blow when we discovered that Cubans might be better at America's national pastime than Americans. And we had to swallow real hard when we discovered that the best pitcher in the major leagues was not Made in the USA - that, besides making better TVs and automobiles, the Japanese also had produced a superior pitcher.
That was all tough enough to take, but now we have to swallow this: the U.S. no longer has the best sprinters on the planet.This past weekend American men not only failed to win the 100-meter dash at the World Track and Field Championships, they didn't medal. Weren't even close. Canadians took first and second. Third and fourth places were guys from Trinidad and Namibia, which, after consulting an atlas, meet officials were relieved to discover are actual nations and not constellations.
An American was fifth.
Now things have gone too far. First the Japanese beat us in electronics, now Canadians are outsprinting us. What next, the Chinese make better hamburgers? What are we going to lose our hold on after this, big cars? Blue jeans? 7-11 franchises?
If we didn't exactly invent sprinting, we hold the patent for it. Sprinting is an American birthright. It's as American as hot dogs. In the past, America has had so many sprinters that we could leave world record holders and a stable of 9.9 sprinters at home, dole out a few more of them to the NFL, and still win the Olympics and world championships.
There are eight lanes in the finals of the 100-meter dash, and three of them were reserved for Americans. We'd have taken more if rules had allowed it. Not only did we have the three best sprinters in the Olympics, but the next five best sprinters were sitting in their American living rooms watching the Games on TV.
Sprinting suits us. It fits our lifestyle. We leave distance running to the Africans and other people who have to run to get from one village to the next. Americans sprint -- and then catch the bus. Or a football. We do everything fast. Why do you think we created fast food?
If we had wanted to be distance runners, we would have stuck with soccer instead of inventing basketball and football.
Sprinters even look American - muscular and healthy, like they've been spending a lot of time in front of the mirror at the local spa. Sprinters are built like Sly Stallone; distance runners look like Barney Fife.
Question: Can you name five great American distance runners? Answer: No. It's a trick question. There haven't been that many. But the list of great American sprinters is long: Eddie Tolan, Ralph Metcalfe, Harrison Dillard, Bobby Morrow, Jesse Owens, Bob Hayes, Jim Hines, Calvin Smith, Carl Lewis, Leroy Burrell, to name some of them.
The World's Fastest Human and World's Fastest American have always been the same thing. About the only time we lost an Olympic final was when we didn't show up on time (1972) or didn't show up at all (1980). Somebody finally resorted to drugs to beat the Americans, but he couldn't beat the urine test.
We have won 15 gold medals in the Olympic 100-meter dash and half of the total medals they have awarded in the event. The world record has belonged to an American almost nonstop since they started keeping track of such things at the turn of the century.
Now we're losing to Canadians? No way. Canada produces a lot of things, most of them having to do with ice - hockey, skating, polar bears, cold beverages - but not sprinters. Watching Canada beat the U.S. at sprinting is like watching Mozambique beat the San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if this weren't becoming a trend. In the last two world championships and the last Olympics America has failed to win a single 100-meter race. We had to settle for one second and two thirds. Only one American even made the 100 final in the current world championships.
As a nation, we can live with a loss to Brazil or even Cameroon in soccer; we can handle an occasional Grand Slam loss to a German in tennis; we have learned to accept the fact that America won't win the Little League World Series. But getting shut out in the 100-meter dash at the world championships is another matter. There are 10 wide receivers in the NFL who could do better than that.
But it could get worse before the week is finished. The U.S. will race in the 4 x 100-meter relay on Sunday. In the past, all we had to do was show up, and they gave us the gold medal. Americans have never lost the relay at the world championships. They have won 14 of the last 17 Olympics, and two of those losses were because we boycotted one Olympics and dropped the baton in the other.
But America's chances don't look good this time, not after their showing in the 100. The Canadians are saying they can beat the U.S. Great, now we're even getting lip service from these guys. This is hard to take.