I was saddened when I read the article Jan. 20 regarding the grief memorial set up by friends of Murray High School for their friend killed in a car accident. I was disappointed that these young men and young women were not given the chance to show their expression of grief and love for their friend in the best way that they felt they could. I am not in judgment about the school officials' actions and do not claim to know more about this particular situation than what the newspaper said, but I do need to express my feelings about it.
Having lost my husband and having had four children, I know how very hard it is for kids to experience loss. It is something that is very hard for them to understand. We have had to fight the world's expectation of how grief should look and how it would be best for us to handle our grief.One thing I have learned through this experience more than anything is that it feels different for everyone, and everyone needs to express it in their own way. There is no set best way for the process of grief to be handled. The one ingredient that is essential for a healthy grief process is for love from those around the griever to be given freely and unconditionally. Allow them the space to feel what they are feeling and protect them from harming themselves or others.
I have found that often in the process of grieving that people often become creative in how they deal with their loss. These kids did this. This was their way of expressing their love and feeling their pain. I wish that they may have had more respect shown to them during such a hard time.
Who says that "you don't build memorials and you don't plant trees"? My own children erected a flagpole in memory of their dad. A dear friend planted a beautiful perennial garden around the pole as a gift to his friend and his family. A tree was planted in Israel by a business associate in his honor. These are tributes and expressions of love, these are real.
I applaud the student who recognized and said, "Compared to Marc's death, this is no big deal at all." Yes, it was an unfortunate situation, but truly the bigger tribute to your friend would be to not let this instance tear you apart and overshadow Marc's death. People don't always understand and feel in the same way that you do. Sometimes we all make poor judgments. Love your friend and pull together, build a better you, build a better school and a better community from what you have learned.
Jill Allsop
Bountiful