Imagine this as the premise for a television comedy: A group of four aliens arrive on Earth, first assuming human form. Their assignment is to find out as much about the inhabitants of this planet as possible.
A rather intriguing premise, one ripe with possibilities for commenting on and satirizing human behavior.Unfortunately, as executed in the new NBC sitcom "3rd Rock from the Sun," this premise immediately degenerates into simple stupidity rather than entertainment or enlightenment.
"Rock" is little more than one big sophomoric sex joke.
Tonight's pilot episode (7:30 p.m., Ch. 5) is replete with jokes about breasts. Actually, so are the next two episodes.
The level of humor here falls far and fast. What passes for a joke is having the alien who's assumed the form of the voluptuous Sally (Kristen Johnston) ask, "Is anyone else sweating under their breasts?"
And, while the writers profess to be reaching for profound commentary about the human condition, what they've come up with is having the alien who's assumed the form of an adolescent boy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) tell his friends, "I have to go look up the word throb."
In next week's second episode, the aliens catch the flu - the first time they've ever been sick. And a simple sneeze becomes a strange and wonderful experience for them.
But, unfortunately and predictably, sneezing quickly becomes just another sex joke.
All of this is doubly disappointing because it's such a waste of talent. John Lithgow plays the commander of the aliens, who has assumed the guise of Dick Soloman, a professor at a small Midwestern college. And Jane Curtin plays his human co-worker, Mary Albright - in whom Dick has more than a professional interest.
But instead of witty repartee, we get this:
"This is a small office and you are acting like a big hose monkey," Mary says.
"You're not so bad yourself, Dr.
Albright," Dick replies.
Sadly, Lithgow - one of our finer actors - is often reduced to over-the-top, scenery-chewing histrionics in "3rd Rock." If he isn't embarrassed by this show and his performance in it, he ought to be.
The premiere also contains some rather troubling anti-woman rhetoric. One alleged joke is particular offensive:
"That brings up a very good question," Sally says. "Why am I the woman?"
"Because you lost," Dick replies.
And somewhat later, the alien who has inexplicably assumed the form of a nerd (French Stewart) says, "Women. you can't live with them and yet they're everywhere."
Obviously, these aren't enlightened aliens. Or enlightened writers, for that matter.
"3rd Rock from the Sun" isn't completely without humor. There's the occasional laugh-out-loud sight gag - including one at the conclusion of tonight's episode in which Dick demonstrates that he hasn't quite got the hang of what kissing is all about.
But in order to get the payoff of those few-and-far-between sequences, you have to invest a lot of time in an awful lot of stupidity.
"3rd Rock from the Sun" just isn't worth that investment.
"CHAMPS" IS NO WINNER: Tonight's other new sitcom, ABC's "Champs" (8:30 p.m., Ch. 4) is sort of the opposite of "3rd Rock from the Sun."
"Champs" actually has something to say about people. It's clever without being offensive.
There's just one problem. "Champs" isn't funny.
And not being funny is a rather serious flaw in a comedy.
Add to that the fact that the studio audience and/or the laugh track seem to think everything is hilarious, and the phony laughter is remarkably annoying.
Actually, there's one other problem, too. Timothy Busfield, who was so good in "thirtysomething," is not so good in "Champs." His performance is affected and unconvincing.
And this is also a rather serious problem, because Busfield's is the central character in "Champs."
Busfield stars as Tom McManus, a fortysomething husband and father who actually has two families. In addition to his wife, Linda (Ashley Crow) and two children, he's also the lynchpin of an extended family that includes several of his former high school basketball teammates.
There's Vince, a thrice-divorced womanizer (Ed Marinaro); Herb, a socially inept doctor (Paul McCrane); and Marty, an uncommunicative nebbish (Kevin Nealon). Oh, and their former coach (Tom McClarty) is always hanging around as well.
The guys do guy stuff and talk about guy stuff. What they don't talk about is unimportant stuff like the fact that one of them is on the verge of divorce because he had a fling with an old girlfriend.
"Champs" was created by Gary David Goldberg, who also wrote tonight's pilot episode and is the executive producer. His credits include "Family Ties" and "Brooklyn Bridge" - two television classics.
But "Champs" has more in common with another of Goldberg's shows, something called "American Dreamer" - which most of you won't remember.
It was a nice, intelligent, likable show, like "Champs." It was also unengaging and just plain not funny, like "Champs."
"American Dreamer" lasted about four months total in the fall of 1990 and the spring of 1991. "Champs" will be lucky to last that long.
"Champs" is also the first television show to come out of Hollywood's newest studio, Dream-Works SKG. And if this is a harbinger of things to come, Steven Speilberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Geffen ought to be at least a little bit worried.