Dear Editor,
I think it's going to take me a little longer to check out Lake Powell than we originally planned. I know you thought I could scrape together a story in a few days down here, but it's actually going to take MUCH longer. Trust me. It could take two or three weeks, maybe more, depending how the weather and food hold out.Your hunch was right. Powell in October is a sportsman's paradise. The crowds are gone. The weather is mild. For five days there hasn't been a ripple in the water or a cloud in the sky. The days are warm, the nights are cool, the water is 71 degrees in the morning, 74 in the afternoon.
I could get used to this.
But here's the thing: Why tell anyone? Who needs to know?
Why blab this thing all over the newspaper?
Think about it. Meanwhile, I'll investigate the place VERY thoroughly. You can count on me. It's a tough job, but I think I'm up to it.
For the record, here's how I'm dividing my time at Powell:
1. Water skiing, 20 percent.
2. Jet skiing, 13 percent.*
3. Parasailing, 2 percent.
4. Folding parasail, 3 percent.
5. Other boating-related activities, 10 percent.
6. Eating-related activities, 15 percent.
7. Putting gas in boat, 10 percent.
8. Cleaning up boat, 10 percent.
9. Putting on full-body wetsuit, 5 percent.
10. Removing full-body wetsuit, 8 percent.
11. Resting from water skiing and removing full-body wetsuit, 5 percent.
12. Talking about boats, 5 percent.
13. Dreaming up new, creative uses for jet skis, 3 percent.
14. Constructive activities, .001 percent.
15. Hiking and other activities not involving water or card games, 1 percent.
But I do have weekends off.
(Please, note total 110 percent effort.)
(* Tell Mary in Accounting that I can explain the bill for the jet ski.)
Ah, Powell in October. Perfect. The air is cool while the sun is warm. There is virtually no one around, whereas a month ago the lake looked like the afternoon commute on I-15. On summer weekends and holidays, entire neighborhoods relocate here, meaning not only do you have to parallel park your houseboat, you have to use a crowbar to do it. The only neighbors we have now are a couple of crows.
By the way, the houseboat is working out fine, although I didn't bring nearly enough donuts and we've already run through our supply of 25 videos. Problems, problems, problems. I wonder: What would John Wesley Powell do, faced with such adversity?
Rest assured that I'm investigating all aspects of the October Lake Powell Experience PERSONALLY. The skiing is pretty good, if you can stand glassy water morning, noon and night. The only time the water got rough was when I fell and plowed the water for about a half-mile with my face.
There is no end to the fun you can have here in the fall. Unless of course you're not rich. The Lake Powell Fun Kit is expensive. You will need:
1. One speed boat.
2. Two jet skis.
3. One extra speed boat to carry all the money you'll need to pay for gas. Boats and jet skis are designed to use gas through a highly complex and advanced process known as a hole in the bottom of the tank. You'll need lots of gas and even more money to pay for it, because the people at Powell charge third-world prices for the stuff.
4. One houseboat. You can camp, but tents hardly ever have showers in them, and toilets are terribly inconvenient in that they require a shovel and a bush.
5. One or more of the following: skis, wetsuits, knee boards, scurf boards, wake boards, air chairs, water weenies, inner tubes, parasails.
All for now. I'll continue to check out Powell for our readers. Somebody's got to do it. Yours in journalism, DR.
P.S. Send more donuts and the large Yamaha box in Mary's office marked "notebooks."