"For every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven, and when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, the streams of light flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from that united being," reflects Baal Shem Tov.
Baal Shem Tov speaks of a union of souls that is transcendent, superseding this earthly experience; and of a divine union that is so pure and filled with light that two souls are able to become one - one in form, or one in spirit, we cannot infer. But we can infer that Baal Shem Tov is speaking about a love between two souls that has fathomless depth - a state of mysterious "oneness" that most - if not all of us - can but imagine.And it is, in fact, the mystery of the deeply soulful relationship that we must honor and respect, for we will never know all the complexities, dimensions and inner landscape of such divine relationships, the soul moments of which give us glimpses of the flash points of eternity.
Phil Cousineau gives us a sense of the mystery of such "soul union" as he observes: "From the philosophers gathered around Socrates at his symposiums in ancient Athens to the torch singers gathered around honkytonk pianos in the blues bars of Kansas City, we hear again and again that while soul may be the breath surge, love, sweet love, is the heartbeat of the universe. The bittersweet attraction between the two is one of the supreme mysteries of the human adventure. If it's any consolation to us mere mortals, while love and soul each hold out the promise of magical metamorphosis of the other, getting the two into sync is a problem that has plagued even the gods."
If soul union is such a mystery, how can any of us reach for such a translucent spiritual state with another, particularly if the relationship has been conflicted or beset with problems? Although there are no concrete answers to this question, there are insights, provided by Thomas Moore in his book, "Soul-mates," lending hope that two souls can inch closer and closer toward a oneness in spirit. A sample of these insights include the following: Moore first speaks of an "intimacy of one," that is, an intimacy with oneself and one's soul that must supersede any form of soulful union with another person. Thus, "intimacy begins at home with oneself." Each of us, he says, has a rich inner soul life, of which we may be entirely unconscious.
Bringing the soul to consciousness and becoming familiar with our deep and rich interior suggests that, at the very least, we must allow our emotions and thoughts to come to the surface, fully facing and embracing what may be the frightening aspect of showing our soul, complete with its fears and follies.
In so doing soul work, we may assume that outer tensions are due to problems in a relationship, but this seemingly outer tension may be an echo of inner conflict. "Some-thing is always stirring in the soul that will have an impact on our relationships," Moore observes. "Since we Americans are such an externally directed people, it's easy to think that anything troubling to the heart has its roots in the world, particularly in an intimate relationship, but the reverse can also be true: A current emotional disturbance can be rooted deep in the far reaches of the soul."
Thus, intimacy with ourselves requires an awakening to our own inner life and life of the soul. "One sign of soul is reflection," emphasizes Moore. "The soul doesn't have to know what is going on in life. It doesn't need interpretations, explanations or conclusions, but it does require musing, reverie, consideration, wonder and exploration."
The consciousness of one's soul, and ultimately of another's soul, may extend to consciousness in a relationship in which a couple focuses on understanding what is happening to them, especially in times of ferment. Says Moore, "A soulful relationship offers two difficult challenges: one, to come to know oneself . . . and two, to get to know the deep, often subtle richness in the soul of the other. Giving attention to one side usually helps the other. As you get to know the other deeply, you will discover much about yourself . . . . and you can be more accepting and understanding of the other's depth of soul."
To find another's soul, we must approach soul work with a sophisticated, thoughtful, not so literal attitude toward people in general and relationships in particular, says Moore. "If we are going to be soulful in our relationships, then we have to give up . . . expectations that are foreign to soul. We may have to enter the confusion of another's soul, with no hope of ever finding clarity, without demanding that the other be clear in expressing her feelings, and without the hope that one day this person will finally grow up or get better or express herself more plainly."
In meeting this challenge, Moore reminds us, "There are many aspects of the soul that change very little over time. There are many things that will always be located in a thick, tangled skein of memories, fears, confusions and intricacies. Soulful intimacy demands that we enter this thick soup, this multicolored kaleidoscope of per-sonality, with an appreciation for its richness, and without unrealistic expectations . . . . We may think that `it's only right and proper' that a person change her ways and that her soul be something other than what it is, but this kind of thinking moves us away from the person's own nature.
"The idea of a soulful relationship is not a sentimental one, nor is it easy to put into practice," Moore continues. "The courage required to open one's soul to express itself or to receive another is infinitely more demanding than the effort we put into avoidance of intimacy. The stretching of the soul is like the painful opening of the body in birth. It is so painful in the doing that we often will attempt to avoid it, even though such opening is ultimately full of pleasure and reward."
Moore acknowledges that "it isn't easy to expose your soul to another, to risk such vulnerability, hoping that the other person will be able to tolerate your own irrationality. It may also be difficult, no matter how open-minded you are, to be receptive as another reveals her soul to you. Yet this mutual vulnerability is one of the great gifts of love: giving the other sufficient emotional space in which to live and express her soul, with its reasonable and unreasonable ways, and then to risk revealing your own soul, complete with its own absurdities."