Thanksgiving may be over, but for movie critics it's "Turkey Day" all year long.
In fact, perhaps the No. 1 most-frequently asked question is, "How can you stand to sit through so many bad movies?"Well, you know what they say - whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And this isn't exactly a heavy-lifting job.
Of course, while it may not be back-breaking, it is brain-fogging. (On the other hand, lots of other things in life also fog your brain . . . parenthood, for one.)
While watching all those bad movies, however, moments of lucidity do occur, as one's mind mind drifts off to more important things - like where the heck did I park the car?
It is during these moments that one also begins to notice all kinds of odd little cinematically symbiotic stuff.
For example:
- Beware of Whoopi Goldberg comedies with one-word titles.
The Whoopster has starred in three bad comedies this year, all with one-word titles: "Eddie," "Bogus" and "The Associate." ("The" doesn't count in the One-Word-Title Rule, which I know because I just made it up.)
Before we make too much of this, though, we should also acknowledge that she won her Oscar for a comedy with a one-word title, namely "Ghost." (Although - notwithstanding its huge popularity, and at the risk of being inundated with hate mail from fans - "Ghost" wasn't very good, either.)
Sadly, the Whoopi-in-a-one-word-title-comedy rule loses some credibility when we consider her appearance this year in a bad horror-comedy with a very loooooong title, "Tales From the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood."
On the other hand, instead of a starring role, she just had a cameo in that one.
- Speaking of Whoopi Goldberg, she has already filmed another cameo role, for next year's insider Hollywood comedy "An Alan Smithee Film" - "Alan Smithee" being the name used by the Director's Guild of America when a filmmaker is so embarrassed by the finished product that he asks to have own name removed.
Eric Idle has the lead role, as a director whose movie was taken away by the studio. So, he kidnaps the only existing print.
Lots of big-star cameos are slated for this one, including Sylvester Stallone and Jackie Chan, who, like Goldberg, have already filmed their bits.
Arthur Hiller ("The In-Laws," "Love Story," "Outrageous Fortune") is slated to direct - but wouldn't it be interesting if the mock documentary turned out so poorly that he decided to remove his name, and it became "An Alan Smithee Film," directed by Alan Smithee?
- "Mission: Impossible," one of the year's biggest hits, is destined to have a sequel. And, believe it or not, Tom Cruise has agreed to star.
Isn't this the same guy who said he might not want to reprise his role as Lestat in a followup to "Interview With the Vampire" because he doesn't do sequels?
- Despite scientific proof that you can't make a funny comedy about a monkey (or orangutan or chimpanzee . . .), Hollywood continues to churn them out. In fact, this year we got two - "Dunston Checks In" and "Ed."
"Twelve Monkeys" was smarter.
Despite the title, there are nomonkeys in that film.
- In that regard, "Twelve Monkeys" isn't alone.
You won't find sheep in "Black Sheep" or birds in "The Birdcage" or ducks in "D3: The Mighty Ducks."
There's neither a snake nor an eagle in "Snake in the Eagle's Shadow." "American Buffalo" doesn't have a single buffalo. And don't look for dogs in "Mad Dog Time."
On the other hand, there are dogs in both "All Dogs Got to Heaven 2" and "The Truth About Cats & Dogs." (Though the latter has no cats.)
There's a dragon (and his heart) in "Dragonheart."
There's a horse in "The Horseman on the Roof."
There's a crow in "The Crow: City of Angels."
There are leopards in "The Leopard Son."
And there are insects in "Angels & Insects."
But the latter has no angels.
At least not literally.
- Have you seen those popcorn bags and drink cups at Cineplex Odeon theaters that feature promos and artwork for the upcoming "Beavis and Butt-Head Do America" cartoon feature?
I don't know about you, but just the sight of those guys on food containers makes me lose my appetite.
- There are always trade-offs, however.
While Beavis and Butt-Head will be on the big screen this month, Pauly Shore had what may be his last movie in January. Anyone remember "Bio-Dome"?
Shore has moved on to television, where he is developing a sitcom.
My loss, Deseret News TV critic Scott Pierce's gain.
Or maybe it's my gain and Scott's loss.
- A FEW WEEKS AGO someone called to ask about Nino Castelnuovo, who was Catherine Deneuve's co-star in the recently reissued "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg." She wanted to know if he had done any other movies she could check out.
But neither my reference books nor the "Umbrellas" press kit offered any subsequent movie credits for Castelnuovo, so it was impossible to tell whether he was even still acting.
Naturally, a couple of weeks later, he turned up in a new movie.
Castelnuovo has a small supporting role in the flashback sequences of "The English Patient," which is now playing around town.
That film's press kit, however, adds no new information about what he's been doing in the intervening 32 years.
- QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Jonathan Frakes, director and co-star of "Star Trek: First Contact," who is much more honest than the average filmmaker about his influences:
"I'll tell you who I tried to steal from - `Alien' and `Aliens,' Ridley Scott and James Cameron. I looked at `Jaws' and `Close Encounters' again, because I think they're both wonderful thrillers - and obviously there's an homage to `Close Encounters' at the end of `First Contact.' I also looked at `2001' again. I steal from Stanley Kubrick for that hull battle sequence on the outside of the ship."