Women in public life and in the workplace walk a fine line between being perceived as too emotional - and thus weak - and being too tough - unfeminine. It's one of life's unfair facts that it's more acceptable for men to cry in public than for women to show the same emotions.
Former Congresswoman Enid Greene got all kinds of negative reactions when she cried while explaining her husband's role in her campaign-financing problems during a very long press conference.I personally believe the public would have forgiven her a few tears if she hadn't taken nearly five hours at the microphone. Nearly everybody watching wanted to cry by the time it was over but not necessarily out of sympathy.
Utah women were disgusted that an intelligent, capable woman who had been an example of women's newfound political success would allow herself to be perceived as a victim.
Women who cry at work are my particular pet peeve. I've only known one man to shed tears at work, and I felt it was extremely inappropriate, but I am especially disappointed in women who cry to their supervisors or co-workers.
Maybe that's a sexist attitude, but I believe women who use tears to get what they want at work or simply lose control under pressure are doing all females a disservice. Women want and deserve respect in the same way that men do, and so they should behave in a professional manner.
Leave the tears at home. Even when they're not being shed in a manipulative way, they scream "I'm a child; I need to be protected; I'm special." Being special too often is perceived as being less competent, less able to deal with the realities of the world.
Now we're hearing that Salt Lake Mayor Deedee Corradini cried when asking for personal financial help from community philanthropists. It's a stretch to believe that community leaders would have given thousands of dollars to help Corradini pay her bills if she weren't mayor. Add to her political position an emotional, tearful plea and you've got a bad case of manipulation.
If she weren't mayor and were simply asking personal friends for money to get herself out of a bind, I say she should cry all she wants. But not while she's representing Salt Lake City, including working women who don't use tears to get what they want and don't appreciate it when other women do.
Ironically, society is becoming more forgiving of men who show emotion in public even while it seems to hold women to a tougher standard. In 1972 Sen. Edmund Muskie cried as he defended his wife's reputation. Many believed that display may have him cost the Democratic presidential nomination.
But this year, both President Clinton and Bob Dole improved their images early in the campaign by getting teary while talking about their mothers. Actor Paul Sorvino was the subject of a TV news segment when he cried openly while watching his daughter win an Academy Award.
A Gallup Poll last spring showed Americans believe women are more emotional, more affectionate, more talkative and more patient than men. The poll also indicated most see those qualities as beneficial to the workplace. But when those qualities are expressed inappropriately or at inappropriate times, that's a different matter.
I believe what women find unappealing about other women crying in public is the image of weakness and victimization it presents.
Thus, Greene lost respect among women when she blamed her husband for her problems and cried while doing it. Reports that Corradini made tearful pleas for money are apt to hurt her at least as much as the fact of the gifts themselves.
Women who have struggled to overcome the "poor me" female image and win recognition for their abilities and qualifications are frustrated by women who continue to use that ploy.
Men, on the other hand, have long been characterized as tough and aggressive and can afford to show an emotional side. It makes them appear more balanced. Until stereotypes of both men and women are finally put to rest, women should keep a dry eye, at work and in public.
Marilyn Karras may be reached by e-mail at karras@desnews.com