I'VE BEEN THINKING about how weird breakfast is. You may be one of those people who never eats breakfast, then pigs out for lunch, ending up with big-time heartburn. I prefer to eat breakfast, so I can get my motor running. The only thing is, what do you eat for breakfast that is really interesting or satisfying?
I enjoy bacon and eggs, but you know what the medical community says about that. I also really like waffles or pancakes, but those, too, should be consumed sparingly.That leaves either hot cereal or cold cereal.
I became irritated with hot cereal early in life, because my mother tried to train me to eat actual wheat, cooked. It was so chewy it took forever to eat, and every mouthful made me gag.
That means cold cereal is the only possibility for me. There is a plethora of cereals on the market, of course - an entire aisle filled with huge boxes with uninviting photographs on the front. I tend to stick with Cheerios and Rice Crispies, mostly, because I can stand to eat them.
A lot of people would say it is because they are crispy and crunchy. That seems to be the quality upon which cereal manufacturers concentrate at the exclusion of all else. Take a look the next time you hit the grocery store. Most cereals fall into the three categories of "golden," "crispy," or "crunchy."
The other day I was surveying our collection of cereal boxes at home, and most of them fit all the categories. Golden Grahams, for instance, are both golden and crunchy. Oatmeal Crisp is made up of "sweet, crispy flakes with a touch of brown sugar and lots of crunchy almonds."
If I feel in the mood for granola, I can try Quaker 100 percent Natural. That's a "crunchy cereal with oats and honey." In fact, the box says it is "filled with big, crunchy clusters."
Healthy Choice is another possibility in the mornings - you know, the toasted brown sugar square cereal? It is "naturally sweetened with brown sugar and honey."
Then there is Banana Nut Crunch, which simulates "the delicious taste of home-baked banana nut bread. It is scrumptious banana oven-baked into crunchy oat clusters, mixed with crispy whole wheat flakes and chopped walnuts."
Does that make your mouth water or what?
How about Golden Raisin Crisp - "golden tasty flakes of wheat and corn with crunchy oat clusters and plump raisins. You'll love the delicious, crispy, crunchy cereal as much as the raisins."
I'll say!
So after looking over our cereals, I have a question - why is crunchy and crispy so important? Why can't we just buy a good, healthful cereal that gets really soggy when you pour milk on it? Like Shredded Wheat?
I don't know why, but we can't.
So if crispiness and crunchiness are the only characteristics cereal lovers everywhere want above all else, why not just go all out? How about Kellogg or Post producing a cereal that is made from stuff around the house?
Styrofoam, for instance, tastes a bit bland, but it is really quite crunchy. If we had an entire cereal of Styrofoam, it could be called Golden Berry Styro Crunch.
On the box would be this memorable blurb: "You'll love Styro Crunch - It consists of smooth, white Styrofoam, sprinkled with brown sugar. Mix it with bananas and milk in the mornings or crunch it in your mouth between meals. If you get nervous, crunch a handful of Styros in your hand. And just remember - Golden Berry Styro Crunch is low fat, too!"
Dennis Lythgoe's column is published on Tuesdays and Thursdays.