Capturing the ecstasy of receiving love, Charles Morgan observes: "There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. It is God's finger on man's shoulders."
Love is the emotion that binds together two human beings. It is the magic of love that keeps our spirits alive and sustains our hearts and souls. And it is love that is the single most important force shaping our physical, emotional and spiritual lives.In this vein, Ardis Whitman notes: "Love . . . is the mortar that holds people together in marriages, the hearthstone around which a family grows. It is the saving grace that dissolves our mistakes in human relationships; it is the greatest joy of our lives."
As Whitman infers, love is vital - and it can be clearly expressed in many different ways, including several that are captured below:
- Love has a soft touch. Love responds to the admonition that "feelings are everywhere - be gentle." Love has a soft touch and a quiet voice. It expresses itself through smiles, through tender words and through warmth that radiates from the soul. The sounds of love have the same gentle resonance as the sounds of children expressing their love, as one father, pulled up short by his daughter's tenderness toward him, came to realize.
"I became really annoyed at my daughter Julie, who was 2 or 3 years old at the time, and decided on an old Army routine to punish her," he recalls. "When she spoke to me, I required that every sentence begin and end with the word `sir.' `Sir, may I go out and play, sir?' `Sir, the boys are picking on me, sir!'
"Later I had to go to the drugstore and invited Julie to accompany me (provided, of course, that she sit in the back seat of the car). About halfway to our destination, I felt a little hand on the back of my neck and heard this statement: `Sir, I love you, sir.' That did it! I quickly changed routines and learned yet another lesson."
- Love equals acceptance. "The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather loved in spite of ourselves," reflects Victor Hugo. Thus, love is always affirming, as in the example of Eric Hoffer, whose mother died, and who became blind, both events occurring at age 7. From that time on, a Bavarian peasant woman named Martha cared for him until he regained his eyesight at 15.
Of this woman, Hoffer writes: "This woman must have loved me, because those years are in my mind as a happy time. I must have talked a great deal, because Martha used to say again and again, `You said this . . . you said that.' As a result, all my life, I have had the feeling that what I think and what I say are worth remembering. She gave me that."
- Love gives freedom. Love - real love - does not pressure or insist on time, attention or affection from another. Love allows another the freedom to choose his or her response. "My love must be willing to let you grow in directions I haven't traveled," says Clint Weyand. "If I don't give you this freedom, my love is only a thinly disguised method of controlling you." Love realizes that others must be free, for human freedom is a precious thing; and the human spirit vigorously reacts against those who would restrict, or take away, freedom.
- Love forgives. Love knows that love and wrath cannot exist in the same heart. Only when anger is gone can a heart experience the deep abiding love that may be there for another person. Therefore, love forgives, offering the quality of mercy to others, for the sake of everyone involved. "Everyone must be given a chance, and another and another, as many as the heart can endure," urges John MacDonald.
And, in this respect, Ruth Graham advises: "Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart."
To forgive is to let go of hurt feelings permanently, emphasizes Edward Crowther. "Forgiveness means putting something away. It means drawing a line under something and saying, `Finished.' Whatever the horror, whatever the nightmare, it's over because it's forgiven. The courage to forgive is gigantic, and the courage to acknowledge the need to forgive or to be forgiven is perhaps greater."
- Love invests time. "Love and time - those are the only two things in all the world and all of life that cannot be bought but only spent," observes Gary Jennings.
A key mistake people make in today's fast-paced world is relegating the people they love most to the backdrops of their lives, focusing instead on routines and schedules and pursuit of other investments. "In these scrambling, scrabbling, striving days, most of us are clock-watchers trying, in a frantic minute, to solve not only our everyday problems but the profound ones that need mellowing," Ardis Whitman emphasizes. "Our rushing is understandable but too costly."
The challenge in loving is thus to opt foremost for choices that give our lives meaning. One father, illustrating this point, brought his two young children to an event and was subsequently razzed by a friend who was there: "Lost the toss, huh?," the friend said, meaning that the father, in losing a toss of a coin, had drawn kiddie patrol for the day.
"Nope," answered the father, smiling. "Won it."
- Love watches over. Love takes no time off. Love is a sentinel, forever watching those in its care. Norman Lobsenz illustrates with an incident in his own life: "Some years ago," he relates, "when my young wife became desperately ill, I wondered how I would be able to cope with the physical and emotional burdens of caring for her. One night, when I was drained of strength and endurance, a long-forgotten incident came to mind.
"I was about 10 years old at the time, and my mother was seriously ill. I had gotten up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water. As I passed my parents' bedroom, I saw the light on. I looked inside. My father was sitting in a chair in his bathrobe next to Mother's bed, doing nothing.
She was asleep. I rushed into the room.
" `What's wrong?' I cried. `Why aren't you asleep?' "Dad soothed me. `Nothing's wrong. I'm just watching over her.' "