Some things just weren't meant to go together - garlic and chocolate, for instance. Add television comedians turned film actors Damon Wayans and Adam Sandler to the list.
Pairing Wayans' smug camera mugging with Sandler's annoying little-boy-with-a-potty-mouth routine doesn't even sound good on paper. But that's only the beginning of the problems with "Bulletproof," an extremely violent and foul-mouthed comedy-thriller from director Ernest Dickerson ("Juice").
In the film, Dickerson and screenwriter Joe Gayton have misguidedly tried to turn Wayans into a physical action star and evidently hoped that Sandler could act. Sorry, guys, hate to tell you, but the experiment failed miserably.
Wayans plays Rock Keats, a cop trying to nail drug kingpin Frank Colton (James Caan). Going deep undercover, he buddies up to Archie Moses (Sandler), a small-time crook with ties to Colton's syndicate, and ends up becoming best friends with him.
Wouldn't you know, the beautiful friendship goes south when Rock's real identity is discovered during a big drug deal. Archie, who's extremely miffed, ends up shooting his former friend in the head and becomes a wanted man, both by the police and by Colton.
Some time later, Archie has been busted in Arizona and decides to turn state's evidence against Colton. And Rock - who's made a remarkable recovery - is asked to escort his former friend back to L.A., with Colton's men making things extremely difficult for the duo.
Sound familiar? It should, since the movie borrows so heavily from other films, including "The Defiant Ones," "Midnight Run" and the "Beverly Hills Cop" triad. However, it has none of the charm of any of those, except maybe the dreadful third "Beverly Hills Cop" flick.
Gayton's predictable, by-the-numbers script, co-written with Lewis Colick, substitutes vulgarity for wit, relying on the handicapped and a drunken canine for yuks. It even rips off jokes from "Risky Business" and the "Red Dwarf" TV series without so much as a thank you.
And Dickerson makes no attempts to rein in his stars, who have zero chemistry together. Wayans displays a small flair for some of the physical parts but looks unhappy to be in the film - probably because he already played Sandler's role in "The Last Boy Scout."
As expected, Sandler pulls the same schtick he has in all his films. Aside from a somewhat funny jab at Whitney Houston, it becomes tiresome quickly, much like the film itself.
The other actors don't fare any better. Caan - who seems to be portraying more than his share of baddies these days - looks awful, while James Farentino, playing Wayans' chief, looks uncomfortable. Only Kristen Wilson, as Rock's physical therapist girlfriend, comes out unscathed - largely because of the film's one unexpected plot twist.
"Bulletproof" more than earns its R rating with a constant stream of profanities flying out of the stars' mouths, bloody violence, extremely vulgar gags, sex, nudity and drug use.