What if Danielle Steel had set one of her romance novels in 1920s Utah and used the LDS Church as a backdrop?
It might have turned out a lot like "A Loss of Innocence" (Sunday, 8 p.m., ABC/Ch. 4), which is based on Virginia Sorenson's novel "On This Star."There's nothing particularly different about "Loss," except for its Utah setting. And the fact that people who live here will find parts of it sort of silly.
It's the story of Erik Erikson (Rob Estes), a World War I veteran who left Utah for the bright lights of New York City. He's the son of a now-dead polygamist's second wife, and he takes a dim view of his mother's marriage.
"He already had a wife and six children. Do you really think God had a hand in that?" Erik asks her.
"Yes, I do. They changed the rules is all," she replies.
(There are frequent local and LDS references, from Salt Lake City to temples to the Relief Society to oblique references to LDS theology.)
Not all of Erik's half-brothers are exactly thrilled to see him when he comes for a visit in the fictional town of Templeton. (The movie was actually shot mostly in the Heber Valley.) And Erik isn't exactly a good Mormon.
"I smoke. I even drink. I'm not a good Mormon. I never will be," he says.
But half-brother Jens (Mike Doyle) welcomes Erik. Unfortunately, Erik quickly falls in love with Jens' fiancee, Chelnicia (Jennie Garth of "90210"), and his affections are returned.
This despite the fact that Chel insists, "All I've ever wanted since I was a little girl was to be married in the temple and settle down."
(Why either brother is interested is somewhat of a mystery. As portrayed by Garth, Chel comes off as sort of a simple-minded fool.)
The movie telegraphs its every move well in advance. It's obvious immediately that Erik and Chel are going to fall in love. And when Erik, Jens and other male members of the family go deer hunting - and Jens forgets to bring his red hunting jacket - well, you can figure it out already.
"Loss" looks great - and not just the Utah scenery. The period costumes and even automobiles add an air of authenticity to a movie that, unfortunately, is sometimes as foolish as it is predictable.
There's some truly dumb stuff here. In the movie's opening moments, a woman on a train says to Erik, "You don't look like you was born in Templeton. You don't look Utahn, even."
So, what does a Utahn look like?
There's an odd conversation between Chel and her sister about the anatomy of nursing babies.
If locals are looking for something to raise their ire, there are frequent statements by Erik that refer to Templeton residents as "narrow and bigoted." There's a scene with the supposedly "good Mormons" getting drunk on whiskey. Erik's mocking attitude toward the beliefs of the locals pervades the telefilm.
And, as portrayed in Joyce Eliason's script, drinking coffee and tea seem to be at least as serious on the sin scale - perhaps more so - than premarital sex.
But none of this is really worth worrying about. "Loss" is, in the end, a predictable romance novel brought to TV. It's difficult to take it any more seriously than that.
"ONCE A THIEF": John Woo has remade his 1991 theatrical film for TV - sort of - with mixed results.
"Thief" (Sunday, 7 p.m., Fox/Ch. 13) is full of great stunts - explosions, car chases, people crashing through windows, shoot-outs, you name it. (Yes, the violence quotient is very high.)
But, outside of the stunts, this is a mediocre movie at best.
The plot - somewhat loosely based on that 1991 movie - features three good-looking young thieves who work for a Hong Kong crime family. But when Mac (Ivan Sergei) and Li Ann (Sandrine Holt) try to leave the family, Victor (Nicholas Lea) is far from pleased.
The scene shifts from the Far East to the Great White North as Mac and Li Ann end up working for some sort of secret law enforcement unit and against Victor.
What's intended as light, comic banter is stagey and forced. Sergei, in particular, just isn't up to the task of emulating James Bond.
But those stunts are great.
"BACHELOR FATHER": TV movies don't get much more schizophrenic than this one.
It tries to go cutesy with Scott Bakula as a 41-year-old single guy who finds he has a son and puts on pirate suits to amuse the child.
But "Bachelor" (Sunday, 8 p.m., CBS/Ch. 2 is also a serious tale of mental illness, custody battles and allegations of child sexual abuse.
In the end, it's an uncomfortable mix that doesn't work on any level.
MOVED AND DELAYED: Local football fans won't miss NBC's coverage of the Notre Dame-Ohio State game that KSL-Ch. 5 is dropping in favor of today's BYU-SMU matchup. But they'll have to look elsewhere - and wait a while.
KJZZ-Ch. 14 is carrying ND-OSU on tape-delay at 2 p.m.