Here is a sampling of BYU and Utah jokes, as submitted by readers (and edited for taste).
BIG G, LITTLE O - Q: What is the difference between the U. of U. football team and a bowl of Cheerios? A: The Cheerios belong in a bowl!
9-1-1 OF A KIND - A Cougar football player smelled smoke in the gym and rushed to the phone to report a fire. "How do we get there?" the dispatcher asked. The Cougar hesitated a moment. "Don't you have red fire trucks anymore?"
LOOSE CHANGE - Q: What's the difference between the Utes and a dollar bill? A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
GROUNDHOG DAY - Q: What do you get when you cross-breed U. of U. football and a groundhog? A: Six more weeks of bad football!
U. OF MOO - Q: Why did the U. decide to put artificial turf in the stadium? A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing
DRUG PROBLEMS - Person #1: Hey! Did you hear about the big drug problem with the U. of U.'s football team? Person #2: Yeah, I did! Every Saturday they get `drug' all over the field!
AN UPRIGHT NEIGHBORHOOD - Q: How do you keep a Ute out of your front yard? A: Put up some goalposts.
PLAYIN' POSSUM - Q: How is a Ute like a possum? A: Both play dead at home and usually die on the road.
I'LL TRANSFER U. - Q; Did you hear about the football player who transferred from the U. to BYU? A: It greatly raised the academic standing of both institutions.
U. KNUCKLES DOWN - The BYU cheerleaders will wear high-heeled boots at the game this week. They're tired of having their knuckles drag when they walk!
DOG-GONE CELEBRATION - The Ute walks into a bar with a wiener dog under his arm. The mutt has a Ute cap on, a Ute sweater on, and even some Ute pom poms. The bartender tells the guy to get the dog out of the bar, but the man begs to stay. He says their TV just busted and the dog, being a Ute fan (probably a Ute coed) just had to see the game. The bartender said that as long as the dog did nothing unseemly, it would be OK.
The Utes finally get the ball and march it downfield to the Y's 30-yard line, where they are forced to kick a field goal. The dog goes berserk. It jumps up on the bar and runs down it high-fiving everybody, yapping and yelping the whole time. The barkeep is flabbergasted. He says, "If this is how the dog reacts to a field goal, how does it react to a TD?" The guy says, "Gee, I don't know. I've only had him four years."
FAMILY TIES - Ron McBride, clearly upset about the blue dynasty to the south getting all the national acclaim, goes to a BYU practice and asks LaVell Edwards, "Coach, how is it that year after year after year you manage to have such great football teams? What's your secret?"
LaVell responds by calling Kevin Feterik over. "Kevin," LaVell asks, "who's your father's brother's nephew?" Feterik answers, "Why, coach, that's easy. It's me."
LaVell turns to McBride and says, "That's the secret, Ron. A smart quarterback. You've got to have a smart quarterback."
Thinking he's finally got all the tools he needs, McBride returns to the Ute work-out. He promptly calls over Jonathan Crosswhite. "Crosswhite! Who's your father's brother's nephew?"
Crosswhite looks perplexed, thinks a minute and says, "Coach, can I get back to you after practice on that one?" McBride (disgusted) says, "OK."
During practice, Crosswhite calls over Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala. "Chris, coach just asked me the weirdest question. Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Says Fuamatu-Ma'afala: "Duh! That's easy. It's me!"
After practice, Crosswhite catches up with McBride: "Coach, I think I've got it. My father's brother's nephew is Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala."
McBride (angry): "No, No, NO! You idiot!! It's Kevin Feterik!!!"
TRUE-BLUE COLORS - Entering a store, a man said, "I would like a white hat, blue pants, a white shirt and blue shoes."
The clerk asked "Are you a BYU fan?"
"I sure am," the man said, sticking his chest out. "How did you know? The color combination?"
"No," replied the employee. "This is a hardware store."
NOSE JOB - Q: What do you have to do to break a BYU football player's nose during the BYU-U. of U. game? A: Simple, just hit his elbow.
UTAH BY FIVE TIMES - A fellow walks into a restaurant, orders a drink, and asks the waiter if he'd like to hear a good BYU joke.
"Listen buddy," he growled. "See those 2 big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the BYU football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at the Y. That guy in the corner was the Y.'s all-time champion weightlifter. And I lettered in three sports at the Y. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"
"Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
U. CAN'T GET NO SATISFACTION - Q: Did you hear the Rolling Stones are playing at Rice Stadium? A: Yeah, they're 10-point favorites.
Congratulations to Rob Nielsen and Brian G. White, who were judged to have contributed the best jokes. They will receive a pair of tickets to Saturday's BYU-Utah game.