It's 12 degrees outside as I write this. I'd vote for a little global warming right now. But enough of that cynical stuff. 'Tis the season to be jolly, so no grumbling about Al Gore, the weather, or congested freeways in this column.
Instead, I've run across a few items that made me chuckle, and perhaps they'll bring a smile to your face.- Several months ago the Wall Street Journal printed a letter to the editor that holds a good lesson for politicians: When stumped for an answer, change the subject.
The letter writer told a story about Robert Benchley (1889-1945), the great American humorist who graduated from Harvard College and then enrolled at Harvard Law School.
As a young man, Benchley was not a great student, despite graduating from Harvard College. He enrolled at Harvard Law School, but he preferred to spend a lot of time in New York, going to the theater and carousing. He signed up for a course in international law, taught Friday afternoons by Felix Frankfurter, who would later be appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court by President Franklin Roosevelt.
Benchley missed most of Frankfurter's lectures, several of which involved the North Atlantic Fishing Treaty between the United States and Canada.
At the end of the semester, the final exam turned out to be just one question: "Discuss the North Atlantic Fishing Treaty from the point of view of A: The United States and B: Canada.
Benchley, who did not have a clue about the treaty, proceeded to answer the question with a treatise that started:
"Everyone knows about the North American Fishing Treaty from the point of view of A: The United States and B: Canada. Therefore, I would like to discuss it from the point of view of C: the fish."
As the story goes, Frankfurter, although failing Benchley in the course, found the answer to be one of the most delightfully funny he had ever read, and in fact kept it in his office for the rest of his life. Benchley dropped out of law school and started his great career.
Believe it or not, newspapers have a few practical uses. Students in Bradley Kerr's eighth- and ninth-grade creative writing class at Centerville Junior High learn about double entendre, proper word usage and the art of the understatement by reading funny headlines that actually appeared in newspapers. Here are some of them:
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should be Belted
- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
- Farmer Bill Dies in House
- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
- Stud Tires Out
- Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
- Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
- British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
- Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
- Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
- Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
- Miners Refuse to Work After Death
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- Stolen Painting Found by Tree
- Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
- Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
- Drunken Drivers Paid $1,000 in '84
- War Dims Hope for Peace
- If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, it May Last a While
- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
- Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
- Deer Kill 17,000
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
- Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
- Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
- Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
- Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
- Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
- Sex Education Delayed; Teachers Request Training
- Include Your Children When Baking Cookies