DANTE'S PEAK - * 1/2 - Pierce Brosnan, Linda Hamilton, Charles Hallahan; rated PG-13 (violence, gore, profanity, vulgarity); Carmike 12 Theaters; Century 9 Theaters; Cinemark Sandy Movies 9; Cineplex Odeon Crossroads Plaza, Holladay Center, Midvalley and Trolley North Cinemas; Reel Theaters.
If "Dante's Peak" is to be believed, geologists are wasting their time with all that fancy, expensive equipment they use to study volcanos. Instead, they should simply rely on instinct.
When Harry Dalton (Pierce Brosnan) heads up to the small Northwest community of Dante's Peak (in upstate Washington) to check out a dormant volcano, he gets a strong feeling that the mountain is going to erupt. But because the equipment shows nothing active, his boss and colleagues don't believe him.
Naturally, it's too late when Harry's boss finally sees the error of his ways. "You were right and I was wrong," he shouts into a cell phone over the din of fiery falling rocks.
And it proves to be slight consolation when lava is pouring in through the windows.
Meanwhile, Harry has his own demons. It's man against mountain. And to redeem himself four years after a tragic volcano-related incident in his life, Harry puts all his efforts into saving the town's divorced mayor (Linda Hamilton) and her two kids.
A disaster du jour, "Dante's Peak" at first steals blatantly from "Jaws" (a skinny-dipping couple is sucked into a too-hot spring; the City Council doesn't want to chase off investors with a volcano scare), then becomes "When Time Ran Out . . ." (disastermeister Irwin Allen's 1980 volcano epic), then shifts into "Indiana Jones" mode as Harry and friends narrowly escape flowing lava (outracing it in a truck), an acidic lake (eating away at their rowboat) and a fragile mine shaft (which only seems to collapse in their immediate vicinity). There are also earthquakes and floods and a bridge that falls apart.
Among the film's more ridiculous moments:
- As a mass of fire and smoke bears down on them, destroying an entire town in its wake, Harry tells the two kids in the back seat to duck down for safety.
- During their frantic effort to drive down the mountain, Harry pauses to rescue the children's dog, which is perched on a rock surrounded by lava.
- Fearful for the life of their grandmother - who inexplicably refuses to leave her mountain home (think of Art Carney's character in "St. Helens") - the young children drive a truck up the mountain to rescue her, in the dead of night and through thick ash and soot.
No verbal cliche is left unturned, either. When the geologists are told by their boss to leave, one says, "What, and miss God's big show?" while someone else, jarred by an earthquake notes, "It's going to blow."
If there were some humor or character development or any remote amount of plausibility here, "Dante's Peak" might be somewhat palatable.
What "Twister" had going for it was the unique viewpoint of a radical bunch of "storm chasers" who actually headed into bad weather, where most movies are about running away. There was also some wit attached to "Twister," and it wasn't just wisecracks. Visually, there were gags that stretched the imagination, from the flying cow to the moving house that Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton drive through.
No such luck here. It's like watching someone else on a Universal Studios Tour action ride.
"Dante's Peak" is rated PG-13 for violence, gore, some profanity and a couple of mildly vulgar remarks.