Occasionally, movies are announced that make movie critics feel they should demand combat pay.
Now that Pauly Shore has moved to television, it doesn't happen as often, but every now and again it still happens.The latest example? "Double Team" (formerly titled "The Colony"), which will hit movie screens April 4.
Just the idea of making big-screen, tough-guy partners of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman . . . yes, that Dennis Rodman . . . was a bit off-putting. But now that the film is ready for release, cardboard standees have started appearing in theater lobbies around town, revealing something even scarier - the film's third-billed co-star.
The villain of the piece is played by none other than Mickey Rourke!
I don't just want combat pay. I want a raise.
As with most things, however, there are two sides to the story.
The other side in this case would be Chinese action director Tsui Hark, who makes his American debut at the helm of "Double Team."
Hark's films that have managed to travel to America have been quite impressive - especially his Jet Li actioner "Once Upon a Time in China," which boasts an eye-popping fight sequence with ladders in a loft.
Can a director make a good movie with lousy actors? Well, let's not forget "True Lies," which teamed Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tom Arnold. Without the aid of any special effects, James Cameron somehow made it appear that Arnold could act and be funny - despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary, both before and since.
That's not to suggest that Hark will make actors of Van Damme, Rodman or Rourke. In fact, instead of an action picture, these three guys might be better suited to a Three Stooges picture.
But maybe Hark can bolster "Double Team" with enough super action scenes that we'll overlook the performances.
After all, it could be worse.
It could have teamed Van Damme with Pauly Shore.
- RAZZIE-DAZZLE: At the "American Comedy Awards" a couple of weeks ago, Kelsey Grammer rattled off the names of several awards shows that had already been on television this year. And that got me thinking that there maybe we need one more.
No, you say? There are too many awards shows on TV already?
True, but this one could set an example for all the others: The "Razzies."
That is, the Golden Raspberry Awards, which are announced each year around this time.
Actually, the Razzies are intended as a spoof of self-aggrandizing show-biz awards - specifically, the Oscars. So, they aren't really handed out.
And who'd want to accept one, with categories like "Worst Actor," "Worst Actress," "Worst Screenplay," "Worst Screen Couple" . . . ? Are such perennial Razzie winners as Pauly Shore, Sharon Stone, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger going to actually show up? Not likely.
But if the Razzies could be developed into a televised awards show, it would have a significant advantage over other such programs.
It would be short. Instead of three hours, it could be three minutes.
No windy acceptance speeches (no one would show up to accept), no cameras panning for stars (there wouldn't be any) no fashion faux pas (no stars to make them) . . . . Every award would be "accepted on behalf of . . . " and instead of saying the winner "couldn't be here tonight," they could say the winner "didn't want to be here tonight."
And that would, of course, include the audience.
- OBSOLETE POWER: U.S. Presidents are showing up in all kinds of movies these days. Gene Hackman is a loco president in "Absolute Power," Sam Waterston is an ineffectual president in "Shadow Conspiracy," Dan Aykroyd is a president who is both loco and ineffectual in "My Fellow Americans" and Jack Nicholson in "Mars Attacks!" . . . well, he's a Jack Nicholson kind of president. (Think "The Shining.")
On the other end of the scale, Bill Pullman was a heroic president in "Independence Day" and Michael Douglas was a charming one in "The American President."
Heroics will come into play again this summer, as Harrison Ford portrays another take-action chief in the action-packed thriller "Air Force One."
But we'll also get another dark view of the White House with "Murder at 1600," scheduled to open April 11.
With all these different presidential interpretations, you'd think this was an election year!
- DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN: A month-and-a-half ago, local film buffs (and twin brothers) Patrick and Paul Gibbs saw three short previews back to back that gave them pause:
- "Shadow Conspiracy," the Charlie Sheen thriller about a plot by presidential advisers to kill the president.
- "Absolute Power," the Clint Eastwood thriller about a pyscho president complicit in murder.
- "Murder at 1600," the upcoming Wesley Snipes thriller about the coverup of a murder that occurs in the White House.
When the third preview was over, Paul leaned over to Patrick and said, "Is this the same movie?"
I felt that way about previews of "Dante's Peak," "Volcano" and "The Flood" that were screened back to back recently.
And again, when previews for "Jungle 2 Jungle" and "George of the Jungle" were shown back to back.
Who needs sequels?
- QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Mexican actress Salma Hayek, who co-stars with Matthew Perry in the culture-clash comedy "Fools Rush In":
"The main thing I was concerned with was to capture that `magical' quality - and I don't mean hocus-pocus - that Latin women have. It's a warmth, a softness, a sense of humor, a femininity, all without taking away from any strength. There is a distinct spiritual quality."
- QUOTE OF THE WEEK II: Winona Ryder, co-starring with Sigourney Weaver in the upcoming "Alien Resurrection":
"When I was younger, every time I'd open my mouth on the set, people would go, `Isn't that cute? Winona has her little ideas. Isn't that cute?' Playing cute and confused doesn't interest me anymore."