The word is that Martha Stewart does not think the new CBS sitcom "Style & Substance" is a good thing.
The show features Jean Smart as Chelsea, a blond, fortysomething woman who is the master of arts, crafts, cooking, decorating and beautiful living. Chelsea has her own TV show, her own magazine, her own books.She's also sort of an over-the-top basket case with no real friends and, seemingly, a somewhat tenuous grasp on real life. Which may be the reason Stewart is not pleased.
"We received a couple of poisoned bundt cakes at the office," said Peter Tolan, the creator and executive producer of "Style & Substance." "There's no card attached, but we're very concerned."
He was, of course, kidding about that. But it's no joke that Stewart has contacted the powers that be at CBS to express her displeasure.
"She spoke to someone, who shall remain nameless, very high up with the network," Tolan said, "and that concern was passed on to me.
"She did not pin anyone with her car against corporate headquarters," he said, but Stewart was nonetheless somewhat unhappy.
Tolan may not have wanted to divulge any names, but it's not hard to figure out - particularly when CBS President Leslie Moonves admits that, "She is not happy with me. That's all I want to say."
And, indeed, he wouldn't address the subject any further. "No, no, no," he insisted. "I'm not going to elaborate."
(What makes the situation a bit odd is that Stewart's TV show is produced by Eyemark, the syndication arm of CBS. And that Stewart is a regular contributor to the network's "This Morning" program.)
"I suppose if I were her, maybe it would bother me," Smart said. On the other hand, she vigorously disputes the notion that "Style & Substance" is "skewering" Martha Stewart.
"Everybody decided before they even saw it what the show was about and how it should be done instead of just watching it and judging the show for what we think it should be," she said.
Tolan also insists that "Style & Substance" is not a satire on Stewart. "Just doing a satire on Martha Stewart, I think, would get awfully old awfully fast.
"It isn't that I want to get Martha Stewart. If I did, I think there was a great book that came out that told a lot of great stories about bad behavior on her part. I wouldn't read it, because it's nothing I can use. I'm not out to get this woman. I'm not out to lampoon her. I'm just using a very interesting character as a jumping off point."
And Smart agreed.
"Obviously, we can't pretend that she didn't somehow inspire this character," she said. "I mean, Martha Stewart has become a household word, and that combined with what she does for a living, I mean, it's great material for a character."
As a matter of fact, Tolan said he wasn't initially particularly interested in the project.
"I thought the ship had sort of sailed on the Martha Stewart thing," Tolan said. "It wasn't until I started to write the characters that I thought, `Oh, this could be funny.' But what prompted it was not so much Martha Stewart but wondering what Martha Stewart doesn't have. I mean, I read about all the things she does and everything. But this is, I think, essentially a lonely person. And that's what sparked it for me."
(If that quote doesn't tick Stewart off, how about this one? "Obviously this woman has made a great deal out of not a lot," Tolan said. "And that's to be commended, I think.")
At any rate, Stewart's complaints to the network have affected "Style & Substance" at least slightly.
"We've tried to make very clear that I am not Martha Stewart," Smart said. "I'm certainly not doing a Martha Stewart impression. I'm not even familiar enough with her to attempt to do that. Nor would I.
"And we've made it very clear . . . that she is my nemesis. That she's probably No. 1 and I'm a Martha Stewart-wannabe."
In this week's episode, Chelsea took her chief assistant (Nancy McKeon) into the attic of her home to see Chelseatown - a small model of a model town where everything is exactly as Chelsea wants the world to be. And the audience was told that, there in the cemetery, was a headstone with Martha Stewart's name on it.
That was the direct result of Stewart expressing her concerns.
"She wanted . . . it made clear that (Chelsea) was not her," Tolan said. "And so our choice was to make Martha a reference in the show, so she's referenced as Chelsea's sort of arch-enemy, hence the headstone and so forth.
"So at least it's clear that she's not Martha Stewart. I don't know if this is the solution that Martha would probably have preferred, but that's the way is sort of worked out."
Actually, Smart is hoping to bury the hatchet - and not in Stewart's back.
"We're desperately hoping she'll come on the show," Smart said. "We're hoping that she'll get a hoot out of it and do a guest spot. We would love that."
And that would indeed be a good thing.
SENSE OF STYLE? Jean Smart isn't a home-decorating genius, she just plays one on TV. Not that she doesn't have ideas right up there with Martha Stewart herself.
"They're all in here," Smart said, pointing to her head. "They just never, kind of, get done. I have all these illusions of doing all sorts of arts and crafts and becoming a really good cook and stuff like that."
She allowed as how she does enjoy looking at magazines about "how to do Christmas decorations and stuff like that."
"I actually had one of Martha's that somebody gave me because they heard I was doing this show," Smart said. "And it's all this really neat stuff and I was just determined I was going to do at least one of them. And I just never did.
"Instead, I hot-glued together little clothes pins into reindeer. Glued little pompons on their rear ends and took them to my son's school carnival. And that was it."
While Smart is by no means a Martha Stewart-wannabe, McKeon actually is.
"Nancy, in truth, is the one who watches cooking shows and sits in bed at night and reads gourmet cookbooks and does all sorts of stuff like that," Smart divulged.
"Well, first let me say it would be my dream to have Martha Stewart come and redo a house for me," McKeon said. "I'm the hugest fan. I get the magazine. I watch the show."
(She not only watches the show, but she can tell you what time and what channel it airs on in Los Angeles.)
"She also has a weekend (TV) thing that is really good," McKeon said.
"Sad," sighed Tolan.
NOT EXACTLY TACTFUL: "Style & Substance" took a rather circuitous route to CBS's Monday night scheduled, where it airs at 8:30 p.m.
The show was originally developed for ABC, which financed a pilot that featured Kathleen Turner (really!) in the role of Chelsea. ABC rejected it, the project moved to CBS (without Turner) and it was reworked and reshot.
Not that Tolan is harboring any ill will toward that other network.
"I do all my things for ABC first and they turn them down and I do them elsewhere," he said. "Mostly because they have things that ABC can't use - like quality."