Jerry Seinfeld announced the end of his TV situation comedy, "Seinfeld." The only news that could top that is Andrew Lloyd Webber's retirement. I confess that I have never seen a complete "Seinfeld" episode. Like an Andrew Lloyd Webber extravaganza, you either don't understand the premise ("Cats") or you're bored to sleep (put any Webber musical here). However, the annoying bass guitar for "Seinfeld" scene changes does awaken.
I first saw "Seinfeld" segments when the show was syndicated. During the time I fold laundry, I have tried, out of respect for friends and relatives who are "Seinfeld" fans, to catch the "Seinfeld" spirit. But Webber's "Midnight and the kitties are sleeping" tune holds more appeal than watching four sophomoric weasels.Here's a rundown of Seinfeld themes: urinating in a public garage, does Jerry's newest babe have implants? nose-picking, using Elaine's company's credit card for a spending spree, Elaine's exposed breast on her Christmas card, making bootleg movie copies, falsifying lawsuits, and lying about a family member's death to get an airfare discount. Just good, clean, spiritually uplifting, wholesome family fun.
"Seinfeld" rose to its peak about the time Mr. Clinton was elected president. The simultaneous success is easily understood. "Seinfeld" is about people who are cheaters, shallow and self-absorbed. Clinton has those qualities plus an endearing propensity for sexual harassment.
"Seinfeld" took the high ground on that issue because Hollywood does have its standards. Folks watch "Seinfeld" for the same reason they voted Clinton into office twice. You can look at Elaine, George, Kramer, Jerry and Bubba and say, "I may be shallow and dishonest, but at least I'm not these people."
Comparative morality is comforting. What better feeling than to say that your behavior is at a higher level than that of the leader of the free world or someone who earns $1 million a week and works only 22 weeks.
The end of "Seinfeld" has produced media wailing. The New York Times mourned the passing with a front-page story. On a good night, "Seinfeld" netted one laugh, much like Webber's one good song per play. Media coverage places "Seinfeld" in the same category as "I Love Lucy" or Mary Tyler Moore. Putting "Seinfeld" in the same sentence with these other shows is comedic blaspheme. "Seinfeld" is Green Acres with body parts. "Seinfeld" would have gone unnoticed had it not lucked into a slot following the well-written series "Cheers" and fierce competition from the likes of Erkle.
"Cheers," Mary Tyler Moore, "Taxi" and even Lucy herself also used the loser concept. People wiling away hours in a bar, people stuck at a third-rate news station, people resigned to being cabbies, and a housewife frustrated by no show-business work. But the losers in these shows had heart, soul, feelings and growth. The characters confronted each other and themselves. "Seinfeld" characters had only life's irritations and odd behaviors. There was no melancholy or bittersweetness.
Jerry Seinfeld claims an exit on a high. He's too late. The show is ending because the gig was up. Entertainment is not about life's minutia. Lasting entertainment is Shakespearean introspection even among the laughs. A 30-minute gag about a soup Nazi or a girl's name that rhymes with a female body part were the oft-cited Seinfeld successes. Compare those themes with Murray realizing that his wife and family, not a Pulitzer, are a good life, or Norm confessing his love for Vera.
Seinfeld is a victim of its own shallowness. There are only so many nose-picking gags. Human emotion is limitless. Seinfeld's characters remained single drifters who turned from lovable to annoying as they sunk to new lows and eyebrow-raising topics for tasteless comedy.
"Seinfeld" was the '90s. Smoke and mirrors are the heralded entertainers. Time Square has Beavis & Butthead air balloons overlooking the theater district. We demand sets and costumes, not character studies, and we like Seinfeld losers, not painful insight woven artfully into comedy.
"Seinfeld" was Andrew Lloyd Webber glitziness and Bill Clinton comfort. It was a show about doing as little as possible, getting away with as much as you can and, well, yadda, yadda, yadda. What's up with that? "Seinfeld" forgot character and characters. There is a delicious comedic irony in its sale as the show about nothing. Its selling point was its demise.