Bills. The kids. The dog. Driving on the freeway. Crime in the streets. Dying. Meteorites. The boss. The neighbors. Your mother-in-law. Getting sick. Deadlines. Retirement. Being a better person. Too much stress. Falling in love. The house. The yard. Looking like a jerk. Being alone. Going on a diet. Closing the deal. Insomnia. Fire. World peace. Failure.
What do you worry about?You wouldn't be human if you didn't worry about something. But do you worry too much? Are worries taking all your mental energy?
Worry is a part of life; it can even be a good thing. But when you cross the line into toxic worry, that's when it becomes not only a mental health but also a physical health problem, says Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, who has, quite literally, written the book on worry.
Hallowell, a senior lecturer at Harvard Medical School and director of the Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Concord, Mass., was in Salt Lake City recently to talk about his book "Worry: Hope And Help For A Common Condition" (Ballentine, $14 paper).
Researchers are starting to pay more attention to worry, he says, to separate it from fear, stress and anxiety and to realize its negative impacts on health and life.
Hallowell makes a distinction between productive worry and destructive worry. The first, he says, can be good, can help us perform efficiently at work, anticipate dangers and learn from past errors. "Good worry can be nature's alarm. It helps us perceive danger and make plans."
But destructive, disabling worry - what Hallowell calls toxic worry - is something else altogether. This is the kind of worry that impairs judgment, induces fatigue, increases irritability, makes a person less effective and can even have physical health implications - it has been implicated in such medical conditions as depressed immune function, heart disease and gastrointestinal disorders.
We are learning, he says, that toxic worry is a public health problem just like high blood pressure. In fact, there are a number of similarities. We need some worry to survive, just as we need some cholesterol and a certain level of blood pressure. Too much is harmful. In some ways, too, worry is like a virus.
"Toxic worry is a disease of the imagination. It is insidious and invisible. It sets upon you unwanted and unbidden, subtly stealing its way into your consciousness until it dominates your life. As worry infiltrates your mind, it diminishes your ability to enjoy your family, your friends, your physical being and your achievements because you live in fear of what might go wrong."
Toxic worry is on the increase in our society, says Hallowell. "I've never met anyone who hasn't experienced toxic worry at one time or another," he says. But it seems to be occurring with increasing frequency. Several factors can account for this, he says.
One, is that we do live in stressful times. We do have a lot of worry about. And, he says, our brains are programmed to worry well. "Our brains are equipped to register fear - and worry - more sensitively than any other emotion. Definitely more than pleasure. This is why positive thinking, such a fine idea, is often so hard to do. As far as nature is concerned, happiness doesn't really matter. Survival does." So, he says, fear and worry are as natural as hunger or thirst.
Researchers are even learning that there seems to be a genetic component to worrying. Some people, says Hallowell, have a nervous system alarm that goes off too easily because their brains are not producing enough of the chemicals that help shut anxiety down.
Another reason why Hallowell thinks toxic worry is on the rise is our "lack of connectedness" to one another. This makes people feel alone and more fearful, he says.
So, what's a body to do?
Most people don't realize that their level of worry can, like high blood pressure, be regulated. "You can't just take a pill," says Hallowell. "Well, actually, you can, but that's not where you want to start. There are a lot of non-medicating approaches to reducing worry that work very well."
For those with extreme conditions - such as anxiety disorder, depression and obsessive behavior, professional help is necessary. But for the average person who worries too much, some simple steps can help to reduce that level of worry.
Worry is tied up to our feelings of power and vulnerability; the less power you feel you have over certain circumstances, the more vulnerable you feel, and the more likely you are to worry. So, to decrease worry, "we need to increase the individual's feeling of power as well as decrease his sense of vulnerability."
Hallowell's top five methods for reducing toxic worry are:
1. Never worry alone. When you share a worry, the worry almost always diminishes. You often find solutions to a problem when you talk it out, and the mere fact of putting it into words takes it out of the threatening realm of the imagination and into some concrete, manageable form. Connect with a friend, spouse, family member, co-worker or other trusted adviser.
2. Get the facts. Base worry on reality, rather than on a terrifying fantasy your imagination has concocted. As Samuel John-son said, "Shun fancied ills." Do you remember how many of your worries as a child were based on misinformation? The same is true for adults.
3. Make a plan. This is what non-worriers do all the time. The non-worrier will simply say, "I fix what I can, then I put the rest out of my mind." It is awfully hard for worriers to put anything out of their minds, but it can be done. Sit down with a spouse or friend and ask "what concrete corrective action can I take to reduce my worries on this matter?" (It is better to do this with someone because alone you'll be more likely to become anxious and quit.) A plan can be very simple. For example, an airplane pilot was not getting enough sleep because he worried about not hearing his alarm and thus not waking up on time. Setting three different clocks for times five minutes apart did the trick. Sometimes a plan can be to get organized, so you don't have to worry about what you've forgotten or not done.
4. Get physical exercise. Exercise helps prevent toxic worry. It reduces the background noise or anxiety the brain accumulates during the average day. Exercise is one of the best treatments for worry.
5. Pray or meditate. If you are religious, pray every day, even several times a day. Talk to God. This is good for your soul, and it can make you worry less. When control is impossible, learn to give it over to a higher power; as the saying goes: "Let go, let God." If you are not religious, meditate.
A Swedish proverb says "Worry gives a small thing a big shadow." By learning to control and manage our worries, says Hallowell, we can step out of the shadow and into the light.