Some novels and other literary works were never meant to be made into movies, simply because they're not very good.
And though the works of author Joseph Conrad have inspired some great movies (in particular, "Apocalypse Now," based on his "Heart of Darkness"), it's doubtful that anyone was waiting for his little-known short story "Amy Foster" to come to the big screen.
In the hands of director Beeban Kidron ("To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar!") and first-time screenwriter Tim Willocks, Conrad's short work becomes an overwrought love story that's not too far removed from a Harlequin romance novel — though probably even duller.
And if not for a stellar supporting turn by English character actor Ian McKellen, things would have been much worse.
It certainly doesn't help that the leads aren't exactly exciting to watch. Vincent Perez stars as Yanko Gooral, a Ukrainian gypsy who washes up on English shores when the passenger ship he's aboard — which was actually bound for America — is destroyed by a terrible storm.
Yanko is the sole survivor of the disaster. In 19th century Cornwall, he's a stranger in a strange land, befriended only by the local doctor, James Kennedy (McKellen), a crippled but wealthy farm owner; Miss Swaffer (Kathy Bates); and Amy Foster (Rachel Weisz, from "Chain Reaction").
The latter, a housemaid, has been ostracized by the other villagers because of her controversial past. To the town's consternation, the two outcasts begin to court and soon fall in love. But the townspeople continue to hound the couple.
Anyone can guess where the plot is going from there, especially since the opening moments foreshadow (rather heavy-handedly) the ending. And because of Kidron's leisurely pacing, all the last-minute attempts at characterization fail.
Perez is all over the acting map, while Weisz's wild-eyed innocent routine gets tiresome very quickly.
Even Bates, who's normally dependable, is awful, with an affected British accent that is painful to hear and which makes Perez's laughable Russian lilt sound good by comparison.
Only McKellen and Joss Ackland, who plays Bates' father, are any good, and both their characters are so underwritten it's shameful.
"Swept From the Sea" is rated PG-13 for a particularly vicious beating, profanity, hospital gore, a brief sex scene and a sickening glimpse of Perez being seasick (simulated, of course).