Dear Abby: Saving the lives of animals worldwide is the goal of more than 1,000 shelters throughout the world, as they join together on the weekend of May 2 for Pet Adoptathon '98. Across the United States and Canada, in England, France, Germany, Denmark, Venezuela, India, South Africa and Cyprus, animal organizations will stay open longer hours, host spectacular events, and do whatever it takes to find loving adoptive homes for as many shelter pets as possible.
For foundling pets it is a chance at a wonderful new life. For potential adopters throughout the world, it is an opportunity to find a new best friend.Since North Shore Animal League founded Pet Adoptathon in 1995, the event has been a continuing success. Last year alone, more than 17,000 animal orphans began a new and better life with folks who love and care for them, thanks to Pet Adoptathon. But there are still many pets in shelters waiting for just the right person to go home with. That's why North Shore Animal League is calling upon animal lovers everywhere to adopt a dog, cat, puppy or kitten at a Pet Adoptathon shelter on May 2 and 3.
Please, Abby, urge your readers to open their hearts and homes to the many lovable orphaned pets available for adoption. Their lives depend on it.
- J. John Stevenson,
North Shore Animal League,
Port Washington, N.Y.
Dear John: I'm pleased to share this information with my animal-loving readers. Wonderful animals are placed in shelters through no fault of their own, and adopting them is not only compassionate, but a sensible way to acquire a furry family member.
For the name of your local participating shelter, call the league's Adoptathon hotline: 800-400-7729 or visit its Web site: (www.nsal.org).
Dear Abby: "Mary" and I dated throughout college, but didn't become sexually involved until our senior year. She discovered she was pregnant two months before graduation, and we were married three weeks after we got our diplomas. We have been married 10 years and have two beautiful children.
We are both in good health and hold down full-time jobs. My problem is my sex drive seems to be increasing while Mary's is definitely decreasing. On a scale of 1 to 10, our sex life would probably be a "2" - for twice a month.
We have discussed this problem and have even seen a marriage counselor, who suggested that I look for other things to bring satisfaction to my life. I took his advice and found a hobby I enjoyed. I also got more involved in sports and spend more time with the children. All of these things are rewarding, but I yearn for a more meaningful romantic relationship with my wife.
Please don't suggest flowers, candy, etc. I have tried them with little success. I even had an affair, and although the immediate gratification was nice, the guilt was intolerable.
I love my wife and would like our marriage to last. Abby, suggestions would be welcome.
- Frustrated Husband
Dear Frustrated: It is possible that holding down a full-time job and being a mother to two young children have left your wife with little energy for romance. Show her this letter, and suggest that the two of you get a referral to a licensed sex therapist, in an effort to recapture the magic you had earlier in your marriage. You are both too young and have too much invested in this relationship to allow it to wither.
Dear Abby: I recently visited my sister, "Betty," who wanted to take me shopping to buy me a birthday present. I explained it would be better to give me the money so my wife of four months, "Anne," could approve of the clothes I purchased. I told Betty that Anne had pitched a fit about some of the clothes the family had sent me at Christmas. I liked the clothes, but Anne wants exclusive choice in what I wear. To avoid scenes, I give in. She says I'm not accommodating her feelings when I mix up the matched outfits she picks out for me.
When Betty heard this, she became upset. She said that men can be in controlling relationships just as well as women. Betty's first marriage left her reeling from emotional battering, and she said it took years of counseling to regain her confidence. She said the same thing could happen to me - men are not immune. Betty warned that soon Anne will try to change my eating habits, my cologne, my job, and finally want me to do something about my bald spot. I didn't tell her, but Anne already has.
I never saw our relationship as controlling, but now I am wondering if my sister's advice to "run as fast as you can" is wise. How do you see this?
- Confused About Control
Dear Confused: It's not unusual for a woman to want to make a few changes to improve her husband's (or boyfriend's) appearance. However, the way I see it is not as important as the way you see it. Are you comfortable with the changes Anne is demanding? If you don't mind making these concessions, no harm is being done.
However, if you do mind, stop making changes just to please her. You will soon know if there is a problem. And yes, men can be victims of a controlling relationship, just as women can.
Universal Press Syndicate
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