A few weeks ago when we were in New York City, my husband and I decided to go to the previews of a new stage production of "High Society." "High Society," if you'll recall, was a 1956 musical remake of "Philadelphia Story" starring Bing Crosby in Cary Grant's role, Grace Kelly in Katherine Hepburn's role and Frank Sinatra in Jimmy Stewart's role.
"How was it?" the friends we were staying with wanted to know."It was great!" I burbled. "It was terrific! It was on Broadway! Ken was on Broadway! I was on Broadway! Ken and I were together on Broadway!" And then I began singing "On Broadway" for everyone's listening pleasure. "The neon lights are I-can't-remember-how-this-part-of-the-song-goes-la-la ON BROADWAY!!"
Well, the play, which officially "opened" the next night, received fairly bad reviews. Ben Brantley, the New York Times critic, said, "Yes, spirits are definitely high in `High Society' . . . but they also feel forced and even desperate," while his colleague Vincent Canby noted that "you can be sure the show is a dim version of both the filmed `High Society' and `The Philadelphia Story.' " At least I think these are bad reviews. Don't they look like bad reviews to you? Words such as "dim" and "desperate" are so rarely used as compliments these days.
"Oh, well," I said, "what do those silly New York yahoos know about theater anyway?" Then I realized I was being stupid again. Those aforementioned yahoos probably know a LOT MORE about such theater things as acting, singing and dancing, makeup and costuming, set design and hailing a cab on a crowded street after a play is over than I do.
"Why did I think that play was so good?" I asked Ken.
"You thought it was good," Ken replied, "because we didn't have to wait 10 minutes between scenes. You think any play with quick set changes is great."
Actually, he's right. The only type of "theater" I went to while I was growing up was school plays and church road shows, and the thing I remember the most about those experiences is all the waiting around I had to do. Here's how the typical theater experience of my youth unfolded:
1. Play starts at 8 p.m.
2. You and your family or friends show up at the school or church at 7:59 so you won't be late.
3. Play actually begins somewhere around 8:30 p.m.
4. People are still being shown to their seats at 8:45.
5. Scene 1, which establishes character as well as rising action, takes two or three minutes because everyone forgets their lines.
6. Curtains close for scene change.
7. You and your family or friends sit in a darkened auditorium and wait for 20 minutes while watching people backstage bump into the closed curtain as they move large, heavy objects to set up the next scene.
8. Sometimes somebody backstage yells at somebody which causes the rest of the cast members moving large, heavy objects to loudly say, "Shhhh!"
To tell you the truth, I thought going to a play was even less fun than going to our dentist, who lived in San Francisco. This dentist, who was also my dad's best friend, would do our teeth for free, which meant it was actually cheaper for us to DRIVE TO SAN FRANCISCO TO HAVE OUR TEETH DONE than to stay in Provo and pay.
Every so often our family would jump into the station wagon and drive across the Nevada desert so we could go to the dentist, who saw us on a Saturday afternoon when the office was otherwise closed for regular business. He'd flip on a light switch and tell one of us kids to hop into the chair, after which he'd work away on our teeth by himself so his dental assistant wouldn't have to come in on a weekend. Every now and then, he'd tell us to sit up so we could breathe and also spit out all the stuff collecting in our throats, at which point my dad would pop his head through the door, wanting to know how everyone was doing. It wasn't until I was married and going to another dentist that I realized there are highly trained professionals who get paid for sticking tools in your mouth that ACTUALLY RINSE AND SUCTION FOR YOU!
Of course, I now appreciate what an incredibly sweet and generous thing this good man was doing for our family, but at the time I thought that going to the dentist was a long and uncomfortable ordeal.
Much like going to the theater!