The fact a film crew from the nationally syndicated television program "America's Dumbest Criminals" spent a couple of days in Utah is not exactly flattering news.
Does that mean there are a lot of dim-witted crooks in the Bee-hive State?"Oh yeah," said Provo police officer Scott Frasier. "If they weren't dumb, they wouldn't get caught."
Frasier knows. He and several fellow officers took some time Monday to share entertaining, true tales in front of TV cameras about their encounters with moronic miscreants.
Frasier talked about how he pulled over a driver for speeding. To get out of a ticket, the man started rattling off the names of officers who worked in the department, telling him in all sincerity how he was a personal friend of each. "One of the names he used was mine," Frasier said. "I'd never seen the guy before in my life."
Officer Mark Robinson related an anecdote about the time he was chasing a pair of speeding cars, each filled with exuberant college students. He pulled over the slower of the two vehicles and the students inside explained they were simply going out for breakfast. "I chewed them out for driving so fast," Robinson said.
He found out the names of the students who were inside the other car, tracked them down at their dorm rooms and delivered a tongue-lashing to them, too. As Robinson made his way out the door, one of the culprits asked, "What do you want us to do about the mailboxes?"
Until that moment, Robinson was unaware the group had used dry ice bombs to destroy several mailboxes in the area. He pretended to know all about it, which led to a confession and several arrests.
What gave them away - guilty conscience or plain stupidity?
"Stupidity," Robinson said. "I guess they had no clue what the people in the other car had told me."
The crew from "America's Dumbest Criminals" is on the final leg of a 35-state, 36-day tour around the United States. The Nashville, Tenn.-based program, which believes the inept criminal mind is a terrible thing to waste, is wrapping up production for the fall season this week in the West. Besides Provo, it includes stops at police departments in Ogden, Layton, Sandy and Orem.
"There's great personality in this department," associate producer Randy Brewer said of the Provo police. "The most important thing is finding good stories, but we're also looking for officers who have personality."
Provo police officers also participated in re-enactments of various incidences, though none of Provo's finest will be vying for an Academy Award anytime soon. "We're not trying to do a real re-enactment," Brewer said. "It doesn't matter if the cop is not a good actor. The goofier they act, the better. People watch our show for the comedy."
Frasier says he didn't mind his re-enactment scene. "I did a little drama in high school. And I worked undercover for six months. That helped."
The "America's Dumbest" research department scours the Internet in search of humorous police stories, Brewer says. During its journey, the crew has interviewed hundreds of officers for upcoming episodes, and the ones featuring Utah cops are scheduled to be broadcast in October and November on KJZZ-TV (Channel 14) on Sundays at 10 p.m.
In addition to re-enactments, the show also features surveillance footage and photos that reveal brain-dead lawbreakers committing various and sundry absurd acts. Apparently, Utah is fertile ground for the "America's Dumbest" fodder.
Such as, for instance, the one about officer Mark Crosby's missing bicycle. Crosby parked his bike and went into a Provo store for a few minutes, and when he returned, the bike was gone. A boy who witnessed the theft told the officer which way the man went and what he looked like. Crosby gave chase and found a culprit who matched the description. As it turned out, the man had ditched the bike and because he didn't read English, didn't realize it was property of the police department.
Then there's the case of a young man who was caught stealing in a Provo drugstore. He was reluctant to tell police why, but he did have a check he had written out beforehand to the drugstore for the amount of the item he took, saying he planned to leave the check behind. After further questioning, police learned the man was getting married soon and was simply too embarrassed to publicly purchase a package of condoms.
Of course one story that could be included in the show, but won't be, involves a Provo officer on the other end of the law. Two years ago, a Provo officer responded to a report of suspicious activity at a bank. The bank was closed, but the officer found the front door open. He went inside to investigate and shortly after coming outside he was covered with red dye.
All law enforcement officers know that the money packets tellers leave in their drawers have dye packs that explode when taken outside the bank. That's how bank robbers are tracked and how the stolen money is identified. Apparently, the dollar signs that appeared in this officer's eyes clouded his vision and memory. He pleaded guilty to a federal crime and was fired from the department.
Perhaps the story that tops them all did not take place in Utah, however. Brewer said he filmed an officer in another state describing a plumber who was going to rob a store but didn't have anything to cover his face. So he used duct tape to conceal his identity. But, alas, he used too much tape, and when he tried to inform store employees his intentions of robbing the place, nobody understood what he was saying. After a while, the man hyper-ventilated and collapsed.
Later he was arrested.