It's holiday time again. Only this year, you can't stand the holly-jolly tunes, the lights and the social swirl. There are too many gifts to buy, too many things to do, and even though it's a deeply spiritual season for many, you feel empty and hopeless.
That is not unusual, according to Dr. Michael Stevens, medical director of Valley Mental Health Center.People can experience unusual levels of stress during the holidays, Stevens said. This also can be the time of year when genuine clinical depression can show its red flags.
Clinical depression needs medical attention. But the "holiday stress" situation -- which is different from clinical depression -- still can make people feel lousy at a time of year when everyone else seems to be brimming with happiness.
Part of the problem lies with the expectations we have -- that everything will automatically be perfect because it's the holiday season, Stevens said.
"The holidays are associated with many changes that occur in our daily lives including routines, getting together with families, with people we want to see and yet don't necessarily know how to relate to. I heard an interesting observation the other day about people who are very successful as adults, 'but when they go home for the holidays they feel like a 10-year-old.' "
Holiday stress also can stem from very real sorrows due to losses that came during holiday times.
So what can we do?
Stevens has a few tips.
First, be realistic. "I actually stress the importance of focusing on giving in our relationships to others, rather than giving things. This can be a time to strengthen our relationships and come to understand each other better," he said.
He also recommends that people who are lonely find someone to be with. "It doesn't have to be a relative. Be a volunteer. By doing for others, we sort of make our hearts and feelings much warmer and feel closer to the spirit of Christmas."
It also helps keep a sound mind in a sound body. If you haven't been exercising, start doing so gently. Be wary of alcohol, which can have many negative effects. "Don't depend on alcohol to make the interpersonal things work out, which some people do. It just doesn't work," Stevens said.
Sometimes the holiday season can reveal long-standing mental health problems that need medical care.
"Sometimes people will have real clinical depression, yet it only becomes painful enough during the holidays that they decide that they should get some help. That could be a very good decision. It's one of those clouds that has a silver lining. Clinical depression responds very well to counseling in its milder forms. The more serious forms respond to a combination of medication and counseling," he said.
Between 80 and 90 percent of clinical depression cases can be treated successfully because so many new and better medications and treatments are available.
Stevens cautions that everyone who feels a little sad doesn't need to be whisked off to a mental health clinic. However, if friends or relatives notice something that looks serious, there are tactful ways to suggest help.
"One has to realize that any time you bring up something like this, there is some risk. But ask 'What is the caring thing to do?' If there's a reasonable chance that you're observing changes in mood that are problematic, the tactful way to do it is to be pretty straightforward," Stevens said.
"Say, 'I've noticed these changes, and they concern me,' " he suggests.
Avoid diagnosing people yourself, which could prompt plenty of resistance. Instead, note your observations and point out that you're bringing them up because you're concerned about the other person and want them to be OK.
"You may run into some resistance, but at least you've done the caring thing. You've tried to help in some way," Stevens said.
Stevens said there are many community resources that people can turn to in cases of depression. However, it doesn't hurt to start with family doctors, who Stevens said usually know which patients can be treated by them and who need referrals to specialists.
People also can call Valley Mental Health Center (263-7100) find out where to get started in getting help. The center also offers a free brochure titled "How to Cope with the Holidays."