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There weren't any real upsets during this year's Grammy Awards. There also weren't any controversial speeches or actions.
The ceremonies at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles went surprisingly smoothly Wednesday night.
Emcee Rosie O'Donnell was a charmer. She kept the audience and artists on their toes with little jabs, laced with candid humor.
The performances were pretty straightforward, however -- except for one.
Can anyone tell me what Shania Twain was thinking when she appeared in her dominatrix-meets-Pocahontas outfit during, "Man! I Feel Like a Woman"?
I mean, she didn't look country at all. She looked downright pornographic. You know, '80s era Pat Benatar. In fact, Benatar would have been proud -- or should at least have gotten some royalties.
The other live musicmakers were fine.
Alanis Morissette reinvented herself with an exotic take of her trophy-snagging single, "Uninvited." And even Celine Dion -- with a lot of help from opera newcomer Andrea Bocelli -- hit the right notes with "The Prayer," from the "Quest for Camelot" soundtrack. (At least the pencil-thin Canadian diva didn't sing her terrifying duet with Luciano Pavarotti.)
Speaking of Pavarotti, he still hit those notes in his trademark Puccini piece.
And Aerosmith did a pleasant job with "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." While Male Country Vocal Performance winner Vince Gill melted hearts with "If You Ever Have Forever In Your Mind."
Probably the most exciting performance -- aside from John Williams' conducting the London Symphony Orchestra in a "Star Wars" medley -- was the lively Latin celebration of the Grammy-winning "Vuelve," by Ricky Martin.
Eric Clapton and B.B. King traded blues hooks, and Lauryn Hill, with some fancy fingerwork by guitarist Carlos Santana, showed why she took home the most trophies during "Marching to Zion."
As for award presenters, everyone kept the bad jokes to a minimum. But it did look as if Garbage frontwoman Shirley Manson was a bit tipsy when she and Smashing Pumpkins leader Billy Corgan presented Morissette with her Female Rock Vocal trophy.
It's too bad National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences president Michael Greene had to do another soap-box speech about the imporance of music. He could have whittled his long-winded manifesto down to four seconds if he had stopped after he said, "Music is magic."
Sometimes, less is more. Just ask Hill, who left her group, the Fugees, behind for a five-Grammy-winning solo album, "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill."
Although there were no major upsets or stupid people tricks, this year's Grammy Awards broadcast was among the best . . . except for Twain, who actualy changed into a white turtleneck dress before she took her place in the audience. Must have been her husband's idea. I mean, Robert John "Mutt" Lange literally wrote and produced all of this singing Barbie's moves.