At least once before he shot his wife last year, Todd Koolmo said he thought of killing himself.
In the midst of a deteriorating relationship with his wife, Melissa Koolmo, he sat drinking in the garage with a gun in his hand. But that time, he said Melissa Koolmo stopped him by reassuring him that she would always need him."She talked to me like a person would talk to a person who is concerned about him," Todd Koolmo testified at his murder trial Monday.
But on March 18, 1998, the reassuring words turned sour. Instead of taking the gun from him, she told him to use it. Instead of telling him she needed him, she told him she had someone else.
"I was hurt and I lost it," Todd Koolmo said. "I lunged at Melissa and fired the gun two times."
Sometimes broken by sobs, Todd Koolmo described in depth the events that led to the fatal shooting, including his wife's extramarital affairs and frequent all-night partying with friends and co-workers.
He also explained why he lied to police about the shooting and why he wrote some e-mail messages where he appears to have planed to kill his wife.
Todd Koolmo is charged with murder, a first-degree felony punishable by up to life in prison. Defense attorneys are hoping a jury will believe Koolmo was under extreme emotional distress when he shot his wife and convict him of a lesser charge of manslaughter, a second-degree felony punishable by one to 15 years in prison.
Prosecutors say Koolmo was aware of and encouraged his wife's lifestyle, and he killed her because he wanted to have the "last word."
The jury was expected to deliberate and return a verdict Tuesday.
Married while still in their teens, the Koolmos had shared a close relationship for a decade before they moved to Salt Lake City in early 1996 and their work schedules began to interfere, Todd Koolmo said. In late 1997, Melissa Koolmo received a promotion and she began to work on his days off.
She also began to stay out late and sometimes the whole night.
"I thought this was awkward behavior that was strange to me," Todd Koolmo said. She dismissed his questions saying he was "drunk" or "paranoid," and that she was just "out with the girls."
On one occasion she got home after 5 a.m. and he went through her coat pockets.
"When she came home and (I) found her panty hose in her pocket, it made it very clear that something was going on," he said. Still, "Melissa made it clear on several occasions that if I wasn't happy with this fun she was having . . . that our relationship was over."
Seeking to talk to someone about his problems, Todd Koolmo would communicate with a former co-worker, Alpine police officer James Cowan, through the Internet. In one of those occasions, he wrote a message where he said he was "seriously considering doing the 'DEED' and then I'll have the last word."
But that part of the message was just typical of the bizarre humor that he and Cowan shared, he testified.
"I wanted to talk to someone," he said. "I wanted someone to tell me, 'It's all right, things will work out.' "
But things took a turn for the worse. The night of the shooting, it was clear the relationship was over. During an argument, Todd Koolmo began to pack his bags and his wife didn't stop him. As the fight progressed, the words got uglier and the situation more out of control.
"I wanted her to tell me she needed me," he said. "I needed something from her because I hadn't heard it in a long time.
After the shooting, he told police the shooting had been an accident because he was "very confused and frightened."
"I was making things up as we went along," he said.