There are times when I realize that technology has not relieved my time crunch, that having a simple life will likely remain a figment of my imagination and that the slogan "less is more" will never be applicable to my job, the stock market or my family budget.
I often retrieve from memory and reflect upon a plea Marian Wright Edelman, National President of the Children's defense fund, shared at the end of a long day: "Give me the wisdom to delegate what I can and to order the things I can't delegate, to say no when I need to, and then to know when to go home.""Know when to go home!" The words imply the strong feelings of well being and childlike anticipation that should surface when we think of going home. The favorite place, above all others in the world, should be home.
When we walk through the door, home should separate us from the places we call work and school. It should provide the kind of emotional, physical, social and intellectual release that makes us feel loved and in control. Home should afford a positive surrounding that contrasts with and balances the experiences and pressures that drain us of our energies when we are in other environments.
In the vision of yesterday's family there is a tradition of a wage earner, after a hard day at the office coming into the quiet, calm of home and receiving just rewards: a wonderful diner, a centerpiece on the table, the newspaper, the easy chair and a loving family. All served sweetly by a full-time homemaker.
The story may be entertaining, but the idea that home provided symmetry in our lives that helped us maintain our stability and well being is a good one.
Unfortunately, home is frequently a place where we can't stop running and we can't stop worrying. A place where we work when we are too weary and too burned out to do any more work, where we are tense, depressed, fearful and anxious. Here we experience conflict in our emotions and relationships instead of looking forward to a renewal of our sense of self, and where we are stressed and overburdened with responsibilities for which we seem to have no coping skills.
Maintaining a home that can balance life outside the home does not often happen by chance; but we can purposely arrange things to help us achieve an ideal. Purposely arranging involves home management, which is a learned and an applied skill. Often it involves conquering a method known as double-timing.
Double-timing is simply cultivating the fine art of doing two things at once. There are essentially three steps to success:
1. Make a list.
2. Identify jobs that require more attention, interaction or concentration and pair them with more automatic, simple, routine tasks.
3. Assemble supplies need to complete the chore; locate them near the place where the partner job will be done.
Initially, it takes time to think through the potential to organize your duties. But time is returned, as reward to yourself, in the guise of time to do something that you could not otherwise do.
A few double-timing ideas that are good for me and might be good for you are as follows:
1. Fold clothes with children while you quiz them on the week's homework or leisurely visit about whatever is pertinent at the moment.
2. Catch up on correspondence or update the Christmas list while waiting at the doctor's office or in the car after school to pick up the children.
3. Start dinner while putting away the groceries and add to the grocery list any time you are in the kitchen.
4. When you are getting your hair cut plan a family outing; when you are having the car's oil changed, plan a family vacation.
5. Put a pen and adhesive labels on closet shelves; label and box items for garage sale or donations for favorite organizations when you clean out closets.
6. Make a game of having the family clear the television room of clutter, while the commercials are being shown during a show you are viewing together.
Double-timing does not work if you turn it into a frenzy. I realized that after I brought home a new baby and a 40-foot telephone cord -- both on the same day.
The telephone cord was the forerunner of today's portable telephone, and it allowed me to try to perfect the technique of feeding the baby, calling a repairman, burping the baby, checking with my mother-in-law, rocking the baby, calling my husband, walking the floor with the baby, doing the laundry, taking orders for my home-based business, changing the baby, and crying -- all at the same time.
My performance was akin to that of the motorist who talks on a cell phone in rush hour traffic and causes a wreck.
Finally, I learned some important things: double-timing does not always work, but there will never be more than 24 hours in the day, and it is not likely that there will be less to do in the near future. Therefore, if you systematically look for ways to save time, you can then have time to focus on more rewarding pursuits -- like reading to your children or just watching the sun set.
Maxine Rowley is a research associate for the BYU Family Studies Center.