PINEHURST, N.C. -- Brad Kocher is playfully scribbling on a placemat in a clubhouse dining room dubbed the Donald Ross Grill, diagramming one of the diabolical greens at Pinehurst No. 2.
The corners of his mouth are turned up, mischievous-like.The superintendent of the sprawling Pinehurst golf mecca draws a circle, then a smaller one inside the first to signify the tiny safe haven in which players must land an approach shot. As he doodles, a waitress happens by and informs his table that the breakfast menu no longer is being served.
Says who? In Kocher's drawing, the green looks like an egg with a puny yoke.
Fair enough: Scrambling is what the 99th U.S. Open will be all about.
"The guy who's scrambling well will do well," said Davis Love III, who has played No. 2 as much as anyone in the field, "because everybody's going to be scrambling, no matter how good you're hitting it."
The winner will be handed a sparkling trophy to signify his heady victory. This year, it would be far more apropos if the U.S. Golf Association dislodged the weathered brass statue of the Putter Boy that sits adjacent to the Pinehurst clubhouse and handed it to the champ.
This week, the Putter Boy is far more than the symbolic resort logo and the event's merchandising centerpiece. Shoot, he's an icon, the role model of everybody with a flat stick in his hand.
In short, the short game rules. Pinehurst's crowned greens, which "look like upside-down spoons," said the USGA's Tom Moraghan, deflect balls into the shaved fringe areas, where creativity from the uniquely short grass will be paramount.
After a century of playing courses zealously guarded by greenside rough so deep that players could hardly get a club on the ball, the converse will be true this week at No. 2. Players will be getting their club on the ball so frequently that only the sanest men shall endure.
"If you're chipping well, it's fun," said longtime PGA Tour pro Jeff Maggert. "If you're chipping poorly, it's miserable."
One thing's a lock -- they'll be chipping and putting often.
"This will be different because we have an opportunity that we don't have at every U.S. Open -- and that's to chip," said past Open champ Fuzzy Zoeller. "You can use your 6-iron, your wedge or even your putter.
"To me, it's depressing to miss a green in an Open by 2 or 3 feet and to end up in the deep stuff. You take a sand wedge, swing as hard as you can and move it 3 feet. A player will have to use his imagination."
Creativity isn't all that will be tested. Tom Meeks of the USGA envisions seeing players attempting to roll chip shots up the slippery and steep greenside slopes. More than once.
"I can see a player hitting two perfect shots, but it rolls off and down into that (collection) area," Meeks said. "Then he hits another perfect shot that almost gets up, doesn't, then rolls back down.
"Now he makes an eight -- and he's hit three perfect shots. I tell ya, it's really gonna test their patience."
Testy will also describe the players' mood should they stray into the typically disastrous areas surrounding the fairways and greens. Overseeing the punitive particulars of the 7,175-yard course is Meeks, who is the chief of the USGA rules and competition staff. Truthfully, he has another moniker altogether.
He is the set-up guy. In baseball, the set-up man comes in and provides relief. Meeks shall provide no relief whatsoever.
Unofficially, it is Meeks' task to ensure that the winner shoots in the neighborhood of even par. He shall help set the pin placements, narrow the fairways and soften the sand traps.
All you need to know about Meeks' mindset is summarized in the following, telling anecdote, relayed by the set-up man himself:
"A lot of the golfers out there, in my opinion, they think they can go after every hole. They can't. I had a player come at me after the 14th hole at Oakland Hills three years ago and say, 'How do you expect us to get to that front-right (pin) on 14?' I said, 'I don't expect you to get to it. Knock it into the front-middle of the green, take your two putts and go onto the next hole.' "
The gnarly Bermuda rough is 4 inches in length and will be cut nightly to ensure uniformity. The fairways will be a claustrophobic 30 yards wide, maximum. In another USGA-ordered deviation, No. 2's bunkers will be combed to a cotton-candy consistency so that balls nestle in the sand.
"Sand that's firm, that's no challenge or penalty for these guys at all," Kocher said.
Length usually isn't a problem for the pros, either -- though hole Nos. 8 and 16 have been converted from medium-length par-5s into paralyzing par-4s. Pinehurst No. 2 will rank as the fourth-longest Open course ever.
Barring unforeseen developments, hole Nos. 5 and 16 should give players fits. The brutally hard fifth hole is 482 yards, and typically, plays into the wind. The converted 16th will measure a horrifying 489 yards, the longest par-4 in Open history.