Question: For two weeks our 2-year-old daughter has been telling me that one night a "stranger" came into her bedroom. Without prompting she described the intruder as wearing a black outfit and white sneakers. She said she woke up during the night and he was sitting in a chair in her room, watching her. When questioned, she said he did not touch her in any way, speak with her or touch anything in her room. I asked why she didn't call for help and she said she did, but we didn't hear. She said the stranger left by way of her door. Now she refuses to sleep in her room, preferring to share our son's bed (he is a little older). She brings the incident up at all hours of the day, and nothing seems to trigger it. She also told my husband and an aunt about the "stranger." A few nights ago, she began screaming, "Get off me!" I rushed to her. She was hysterical. We don't know if it's a nightmare or something real. My husband says she is looking for attention and dismisses her fears. I am fearful because I was molested by a relative when I was child. We have assured our daughter that she won't be left alone with this person. Our insurance won't pay for a child psychologist and I don't want to be seen as a bad mother. What do you advise? -- A.M., Dobbs Ferry, N.Y.Dr. Brazelton: I would surely seek advice from a clinic or a center that specializes in child abuse. Ask at the nearest teaching or university hospital. Although your daughter may have just spoken from her imagination, and she hit on a sensitive cord in you (of course you are sensitive after your own experience), the center should be able to help you sort it out so you can help her deal with her fears. They sound too real. She is too young for the bad dreams and fears that surface normally at 4 and 5 years of age. She may well have had a bad experience.
Question: My sister changes her baby's diapers on her kitchen table. She doesn't want to go upstairs to her baby's bedroom every time she changes her 5-month-old son. First she lays down a plastic pad. I've seen her wipe down the area with a household spray, but I don't know if she does that all the time. I feel it's unsanitary to use the kitchen table as a changing table. She disagrees. Can you help us settle the issue? -- L.M., Concord, Calif.
Dr. Brazelton: It sounds as if she is aware of sanitation and is taking precautions. Since you say it is her kitchen, I don't think it's an issue that you need to get into a battle with her about.
Question: My 6-year-old son will only eat bologna, ketchup, hot dogs, apples, chips, cereal, pancakes, a bagel with cream cheese and any kind of sweet treat. I don't allow my children to drink sodas with caffeine or sugar. I only permit skim milk. Getting my son to eat what I cook is a constant battle. I have tried to refuse to cook separately for him, insisting he will have to go without, but this makes me feel guilty. He is dead stubborn and will go without instead of eating what I prepare.
I'm concerned about his health. He doesn't appear to be suffering and is the picture of health. But this diet can't be good for him, and cooking two meals is driving me up the wall. I feel that his unwillingness to try new foods directly reflects his unwillingness to try anything new. How can I win this war? — L.L., Rochester, N.Y.
Dr. Brazelton: I think you have set it up wrong -- as a war. Neither of you can win. He becomes more determined and more rigid. You become angry and defeated. Food and food choice at his age have got to be left to him. You can control the choices, but not whether he complies. If I were you, I'd get out of the war. From what you list, he has enough proteins and iron, enough fruit and enough milk (if he drinks 16 ounces).
Add a multivitamin to cover him and forget it. Make a simple minimum diet for him of his choices. Don't say a word. Feed the rest of the family without any comment about his eating. He'll be very disappointed not to be the center of attention. Ignore his provocative behavior. I'll bet it won't be long before he'll be eating with the rest of you -- as soon as it's left up to him, and it's not a war.
Questions or comments should be addressed to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, care of The New York Times Syndication Sales Corp., 122 E. 42nd St., New York, NY 10168. Questions of general interest will be answered in this column; Dr. Brazelton regrets that unpublished letters cannot be answered individually. T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.