Maverick filmmaker Robert Altman has proven time and again that he can take a large number of actors and turn them into a great ensemble (think "M*A*S*H," "Nashville" and "Short Cuts").
However, it would take a talent even greater than his to do anything with the shrill and annoying cast of "Dr. T & The Women," an unbelievably unfunny comedy that ranks right down there with the very worst films of the year.
In fact, the movie comes as a particularly unwelcome surprise, considering that the director just came off a resounding return to form, the delightful "Cookie's Fortune." But it continues his streak of alternating good movies and bad movies (though there have been more duds of late than real gems).
Of course, it's not fair to lay all the blame on either the actors or Altman here. The material itself (written by "Cookie's Fortune" screenwriter Anne Rapp) plays to all of Altman's very worst tendencies, including a somewhat misogynistic bent that keeps resurfacing throughout the movie.
And the "what the?" ending may be the most sour note on which an Altman film has concluded — even for a director who likes to end things on a downer.
If there's anyone who escapes unscathed, it may be Richard Gere, who stars as Texas gynecologist Sully "Dr. T" Travis. Dr. T has a thriving practice, as well as a wife he's devoted to, Kate (Farrah Fawcett).
Unfortunately, he's due for a hard fall, which happens almost overnight. First, Kate begins regressing into a childlike state and wants nothing to do with him. Then, he has to deal with his (possibly) alcoholic sister-in-law (Laura Dern), as well as his conspiracy buff daughter (Tara Reid), who's even making him paranoid.
In fact, the only normal member of the family seems to be daughter DeeDee (Kate Hudson), who's getting married. She may also have a secret, though — something about the nature of her relationship with maid of honor Marilyn (Liv Tyler).
So seeking a little peace of mind, Dr. T turns his attention to Bree (Helen Hunt), the new assistant golf pro in town, whom he starts seeing on the sly. But wouldn't you know, even she's hiding something from him.
As you can tell, there are almost enough characters here for two movies, much less one supposedly breezy comedy. But this one quickly gets windy, what with all the philosophical pontificating about the nature of relationships between men and women.
It could also use a good editor, as several scenes drag on for minutes longer than they should — it seems as if Altman is lingering, desperately hoping to get one good laugh, though none are coming from this forced, frantic mess.
And aside from Gere — minus his intermittent, affected Texas drawl — and possibly Hunt, the cast tries to overcompensate, resulting in caricatures rather than flesh-and-blood characters.
Worst of the lot are Fawcett, who finds yet another reason to doff her clothes, and Shelley Long, whose supporting work as Dr. T's too-devoted head nurse is too loopy, even by her usual standards.
"Dr. T & The Women" is rated R for female nudity, scattered profanity, violence (fisticuffs), some crude humor and hospital gore (a graphic childbirth scene). Running time: 122 minutes.
E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com