LAS VEGAS -- If for nothing else than to prove Las Vegas really is the whirlpool that sucks in everything -- Cezanne paintings, the Eiffel Tower, the Empire State Building, pirate ships, volcanos, pyramids, castles, Venice, steak-and-eggs for $4.99, Sonny Liston, Mike Tyson, Joe Louis, Liberace, wave pools, brides, grooms, paychecks, the National Finals Rodeo, The Rockettes, roller coasters, Buddy Holly and Elvis -- I spent part of my recent vacation chasing down the rumor that Jimmy Buffett was playing at the MGM.
Jimmy Buffett? In Vegas?Not exactly a perfect fit for a man who sings about beaches, islands, keys, cays, oceans, tradewinds, reefs and sailing to Martinique.
Ideally, you should find Jimmy Buffett in a hammock on the leeward coast of Tortola, nibblin' on sponge cake. . . .
But there he was, standing on an indoor stage not far from where Tyson once bit off a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear.
He wasn't wearing any shoes. Behind him, the sun was setting on a painted Caribbean sea.
The temperature? A perfect 68. Humidity? About zero.
Sacrifices, sacrifices.
A lot more guys want to be Jimmy Buffett than Bill Clinton.
Sammy Sosa? Probably a toss-up.
A typical Jimmy Buffett concert sells out in about four minutes -- a year ahead of time. Why this is so for a singer who has had just two hit songs in 30 years ("Come Monday" and "Margaritaville"), who's to say? It's a Grateful Dead-esque phenomenon. No-hit wonders. Jimmy Buffett followers are known as "parrot heads," as distinguished from "Deadheads," who tend to wear tie-dye and have worse tans.
I showed up without a parrot-head hat, but I made up for it by also showing up without a ticket, which I thought was more in keeping with island style.
On the day of the show I went to the MGM hotel and spotted two typical parrot heads in full dress who, it turned out, were from Canada. I asked if they had any extra tickets.
Parrot head: "No, but I think there was somebody selling at check-in."
Me: "How do I get to check-in?"
Parrot head (who just came from there): "Uh . . . "
At the hotel box office, I decided to play a long shot and ask if any Jimmy Buffett tickets had been returned. To which they said, "Yes."
I got tickets the Las Vegas way. I lucked out.
The concert? Fabulous. As expected. Fifteen thousand parrot heads knowing every single word to every single song. Preaching to the choir and hearing an echo.
Up on the stage, Jimmy Buffett staring out at the phenomenon and observing: "How would you like to have brain surgery Monday and look up and realize your surgeon is the guy sitting next to you?"
The one in the grass skirt and the shark hat.
Everybody cheered.
So what if it wasn't Aruba? The spotlights still managed to set the sun on the Caribbean sea as trademark Jimmy Buffet lyrics that somehow make you feel good even when they're sad floated in the desert air: "I just want to live happily ever after every now and then" . . . "Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call" . . . "The night wrote a check the morning couldn't cash" . . . "Heaven on earth with an onion slice, I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise."
And from the non-hit "We Are the People Our Parents Warned us About," these lines:
"Now I got quarters in my loafers tryin' to fight inflation
when it only used to take a cent
Sometimes I wish I was back in my crashpad days
'Fore I knew what cash flow meant."
Big cheer from the parrot heads on that one. Pretty much why we came.
Lee Benson's column runs Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Please send e-mail to benson@desnews.com and faxes to 801-237-2527.