Is any other human legal activity so full of love as the act of adopting? In a court system attuned to resolving disputes or allocating punishment, the grace of adoption shines as an affirmation of the best in us.
Like many blessings, it often has its roots in pain and disappointment. However, in this singular action all of the focus is on the child and its future -- a future launched by hope and faith. Families come together to invest their love and energy to make something new. About half of them will already be somehow related and will formalize their love. For some, the adoption is by a stepparent, ready to assume responsibilities for a life of caring.And in many adoptions, a different kind of love is found -- the unselfish love of a mother who cannot keep her own child, but is willing to allow others to nurture it.
It could easily be different for these mothers.
In the October 1998 general conference, President Gordon B. Hinckley drew attention to a sad statistic from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: more than 1.2 million abortions were performed in the United States alone during 1995. For perspective, the country has about 5 million births each year. That is an appalling rate of abortions.
"Abortion is an ugly thing, a debasing thing, a thing which inevitably brings remorse and sorrow and regret," he said. And while the Church grants qualified exceptions for cases of incest or rape or for life-threatening situations, these are rare, he said, and must involve great earnestness and prayer.
The idea that abortion has become a form of birth control is repugnant. Adoption is obviously a far better alternative, giving the child a chance to live a life of happiness and fulfillment.
Much of the blame for the high number of abortions can be placed on the unrealistic and unwholesome influences of the age in which we live. Young people are under immense pressure to mature quickly. They are subjected to sophisticated advertising, unscrupulous entertainment and media influences, and enormous peer pressure.
Members of the church are not immune from these pressures. For years the Church has provided support for them. Any young woman, whether a member of the Church or not, who faces an unplanned pregnancy may qualify for help from LDS Family Services. A recent Church News article noted that the services include counseling, out of home placement, educational assistance, medical assistance and adoption planning, if desired. There's even a telephone helpline staffed by trained volunteers to answer calls from women of all faiths.
All of this is to help birth parents make the best possible decision for the child and themselves.
It is wrong to think that a young woman who decides to place her child into adoption somehow doesn't love the child. One couple, whose home years ago provided a non-judgmental and caring haven for many of these women, most of them in their teens, still marvels at the deep love and care each had for her unborn child. The couple still hears from some of them and delights in how they have continued in faith and service to the Church as they matured.
And, of course, their sacrifice was a miraculous opportunity for the adopting parents, many of whom waited for years to be able to raise and nurture a family.
As far as the Church is concerned, the First Presidency stated in 1982 that "the needs of the child must be a paramount concern in adoption." An adopted child who has been sealed in the temple to its parents is treated the same as a child born to them. They have all of the blessings of those born in the covenant.
The decision to adopt and raise a child should follow much discussion and prayer. President Ezra Taft Benson gave his heartfelt thanks to parents who adopt: "We salute you for the sacrifices and love you have given to those children you have chosen to be your own." (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, 541-542.)
Years ago, Fleur Conkling Helinger penned a poem that is well known in adoption circles:
"Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute
You didn't grow
Under my heart -- but in it."
Such is the legacy when love comes to court.