Dear Abby: I have been an intensive care nurse for more than 20 years, and I wholeheartedly agree with the poem you printed, "Let Me Go." Too often patients are kept alive under impossible circumstances.
I must take exception, however, to the phrase that pleads for the "doctor" to let go. That is not the case today. Rather, it is the FAMILIES who cannot let go and insist that the doctors continue heroic measures. They put the doctors in an impossible position. In our litigious society, doctors press on for fear of being punished in court.
Doctors should be honest with family members about the course of the patient's disease so that informed decisions can be made regarding the patient's care and possible withdrawal of treatment. There comes a point when treatment should stop. Pressing on may serve only the needs of those making the request and not the needs of the patient.
Letting go can be an unselfish act of love for the patient. — Michelle Stuart, Lake Forest Park, Wash.
Dear Michelle: It is important that there be honest and ongoing communication among doctors, patients and families. The best doctors answer questions honestly and do not try to "protect" the patient and family by giving them "false hope." They know when to say that the prognosis is not good, and there are no treatment options left.
With empathy and sensitivity, doctors, nurses and social workers can help the patient and family make the decision to "let go," and when the time comes, to concentrate on pain relief and quality of life.
Dear Abby: My wife and I have a dilemma and hope you can provide an answer. We will soon celebrate our 40th anniversary. We want to have a small dinner for those people who were in our wedding party. (There are only a few left.) We would also like to invite some close friends.
We would like to include something in our invitations that would relay a "sincere message" that we do not want any gifts. The presence of our friends and family to help us celebrate this occasion is the best gift we could receive.
Please do not reveal my name. We have not completed our guest list, and I would not like to slight anyone. — Wants to Offend No One
Dear Wants: Yours is a question I receive at least once a year. The message can be worded as follows: "No gifts, please. Your presence will be our cherished gift, and we respectfully request no other."
Confidential to "Hates to Ask, but Needs to Know": "There aren't any embarrassing questions — just embarrassing answers." — Carl T. Rowan Jr., former diplomat and respected journalist
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.) © Universal Press Syndicate