Building a happy stepfamily takes time and commitment. Here are some important steps that can help, says family life specialist Cheryl R. Merrell:
Put the couple relationship first. Be united. Make this the strongest sub-unit in the family.
Begin with commitment and express continuing commitment verbally, especially in stressful times.
Express love openly and often.
Become informed about the characteristics of stepfamilies, each other as a couple, ages and states of children new to you, personalities and idiosyncracies of all family members.
Learn and practice effective communication and problem-solving strategies.
Engage in frequent and open communication with all family members. Have a weekly husband/wife time to discuss family and personal issues. Hold family meetings to plan and problem solve.
Learn to identify and express emotions appropriately. Deal with leftover grieving issues as needed. Help children deal with their emotional issues.
Interact with patience, understanding and empathy.
Practice forgiveness.
Be flexible. Give up perfectionistic tendencies. Accept alternative ways of doing things. Eliminate right/wrong thinking on matters of preference.
Keep a good sense of humor.
Build family and couple unity. Make sure you are "building" rather than always problem solving.
Take time to work, play and build family traditions together.
Be supportive of children's other family ties.
Remember, stepfamily adjustment takes time. It is a process.