The only thing worse than your ordinary, run-of-the-mill John Waters movie — if such a thing can be said to exist — is a pretentious John Waters movie.
Many filmmakers have gotten away with making variations on the same themes over and over again (director John Hughes and the brood he trained and inspired come to mind most prominently).
But the same also holds true for Waters, whose idea of "camp" gets more strained with each film he makes. And strained is definitely the word for his latest, "Cecil B. DeMented."
However, even if you didn't like such love-them-or-loathe-them Waters films as "Polyester," "Pink Flamingos" and "Hairspray," at least they didn't take themselves as seriously as this movie-industry parody, which wields a sledgehammer to bludgeon home its unsubtle points about the "evils" of Hollywood filmmaking.
Most times, such a theme would probably score a film some points with the critics, as well as art-house and underground movie fans. However, all this painfully unfunny dud manages to do is actually make formulaic, big-budget no-brainers look good by comparison.
By the way, the title character is a "cinema terrorist" trying to bring creativity and originality back to filmmaking. To accomplish this rather lofty goal, he and his cohorts, the "Sprocket Holes," kidnap actress Honey Whitlock (Melanie Griffith).
Rather than hold her hostage and get a sizable ransom, though, Cecil and the Sprockets (Alicia Witt, Adrian Grenier and others) try to force the past-her-prime star to perform in their no-budget reality film, "Raving Beauty."
At first, they have to hold her at gunpoint just to get her to read her lines, much less participate in other scenes — which include committing acts of cinematic "terrorism" all around the Baltimore area.
But as filming continues, the once-pampered actress starts to enjoy the experience. Even more strangely, Cecil's little band of guerrillas find themselves gaining sympathy, at least among action-film devotees and adult-film patrons.
What's perhaps most disappointing about "Cecil B. DeMented" is that this isn't a bad set-up. But Waters would rather take lame, half-hearted jabs at multiplex chain theaters and such past blockbusters as "Forrest Gump" and "Patch Adams" than really deserving targets — like too-easy-to-please audiences.
He also uses this not-unfertile material as an excuse to throw in stupid sex jokes and other crudities and makes the mistake of portraying the seeming "good guys" of his story rather unsympathetically.
Then there's his perhaps-even-more-crucial error of casting the still-squeaky Griffiths in the lead role. Evidently, she's supposed to be parodying Julia Roberts here — not that you can tell that from her one-note performance. The other performances aren't that good either (particularly Dorff's uninspired work), but at least they're not as aggravating.
"Cecil B. DeMented" is rated R for exaggerated violence (most of it gunplay and acts of terrorism), simulated sex acts (including adult-film acts), scattered strong profanity, crude sexual humor, simulated drug use (including marijuana, cocaine and inhalants), partial female nudity and brief gore. Running time: 88 minutes.
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