If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then the producers of "Sex and the City" must be really flattered by UPN's new sitcom "Girlfriends."
But that's not likely, given that "Girlfriends" is such a low-budget, gutter-dwelling rip-off that anyone who wastes a minute of their time watching it should be highly insulted.
"Sex and the City" is about four white women who sit around and talk about sex all the time. "Girlfriends" is about four African-American women who sit around and talk about sex all the time.
"It's four stunning professional women who talk about sexuality quite a bit (and) act out on sexuality quite a bit," said perversely proud "Girlfriends" executive producer Mark Alton Brown.
Other than race, the biggest difference between the two shows is that, for all its many failings, "Sex" is at least occasionally funny. "Girlfriends," on the other hand, is unfailingly unfunny. The first two episodes, previewed for critics, contain not a single moment that is even vaguely humorous.
The show does contain an almost uncountable number of vulgar lines and plot developments that go so far beyond tasteless they're downright dangerous at times.
You don't need to take my word that "Girlfriends" is sex-obsessed. Brown said, "We have a sophisticated — read sex — comedy."
Sex, yes. Sophisticated, no.
It's difficult to detect any degree of talent in the show's five stars, although the fact that the material is so dreadful may have something to do with that. At the center of the cast is the character Joan (Tracee Ellis Ross), a 29-year-old attorney who seems to have everything in her life but a man.
Maya (Golden Brooks) is a "homegirl from the projects" with a sharp tongue who is Joan's secretary. Toni (Jill Jones), Joan's longtime best friend, is a man-hungry gold-digger whose morals are non-existent. Lynn (Persia White) is another longtime friend — a perpetual student who's living rent-free in Joan's house.
And William (Reggie Hayes) is Joan's incredibly dorky co-worker who has a big crush on her.
In Monday's pilot episode (8:30 p.m., Ch. 14), Joan and Toni go at it when the latter starts dating the former's ex-boyfriend. So Joan pretends William is her date, and he actually says to the the rest of her birthday-party guests, "If the kitchen's rockin', don't come knockin'."
The level of discourse never reaches much higher than an outraged Maya telling Toni, "You know, if you weren't Joan's girl I'd put my foot up your a--."
The second episode is worse than the first. It opens with an extended sequence that "jokes" about masturbation. When Joan tells her girlfriends that she hasn't had sex in a year, Toni and Lynn encourage her to go out and have a meaningless one-night stand.
And when they think she has done just that, they jump up and down, shrieking with delight.
In an age where AIDS is a reality, there's a fabulous message to be sending out through the airwaves.
We've grown accustomed to bad comedies from UPN, and this fits the mold. If this is the best the pseudo-network can do, if it really closes up shop sometime in the next few months there will be no need to mourn at all.
The only real surprise in "Girlfriends" is that "Frasier" star Kelsey Grammer is one of the executive producers. (His Gramnet Productions is producing it in association with Paramount.) But the new show is so incredibly awful that it won't be any surprise at all if Grammer is soon disputing Brown's insistence that he is "very hands-on behind the scenes."
Everyone involved will be trying to distance themselves from this abomination as quickly as they can.
"Girlfriends" is the first new show of the networks' fall season (most everything else is being held until after the Olympics), but don't be completely disheartened — this show is the worst of the lot.
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com