BOSTON — As of today, I have decided to donate my body to science.
Well, not my entire body. My body fat. I have decided to become a fat donor.
This humanitarian impulse comes on the heels — or perhaps the hips — of the scientific discovery that ordinary human fat is a rich source of stem cells.
A small group of scientists has just figured out that fat, like bone marrow or brain matter, may be harvested and rendered for use as a kind of human repair kit for all sorts of body parts and ills.
I am not surprised that the cells in (my) fat can divide and grow. I always knew they had a life of their own. But now it appears that a spare tire can become the source of spare parts and hip fat can eventually eliminate the need for a hip replacement.
Suddenly, as Marc Hedrick, the UCLA director of the study, said with classic understatement, "This changes the way we think about fat tissue." Forget about titanium, and bring on the brie. You need me!
This is far and away the best news on the great American weight obsession since dieting became a $50 billion growth industry.
Meanwhile, until this momentous week, the scientists were never much help in changing our image. The best they'd come up with is a fat lab mouse that can eat all it wants and lose weight. Now however, by donating fat to science, we can stop counting our value by the number of ribs sticking out and start counting our worth in adult stem cells. We now have a socially useful reason to stop worrying and eat — not for ourselves of course, but for the good of the world.
Under the research guidelines, the haves will give to the have-nots. Liposuction, which was disparaged as an act of vanity, will be justified as an act of philanthropy. And instead of worrying about ending up on a fat farm, any fat donor will actually become a fat farm.
Of course, the scientists may already have all the donors they want. "Fat is something that is universal, " said another member of the research team, William Futrell.
Out of the generosity of my heart, I shall become a designated eater, dedicating myself to chocolate-covered macadamia nuts and guacamole.
Finally, as a supreme sacrifice I will even give up my exercise program. Yes, it's true, being a fat donor is a tough, dirty job, but I can do it.
Ellen Goodman's e-mail address is ellengoodman@globe.com .