HEBER CITY — Cutting dead people's hair may not be the strangest thing Dick Nicol has done in 37 years as a barber, but it's likely the most peaceful.
"They can't say, 'Take a little more off the side,' now can they? I always get the last laugh," Nicol, owner of Dick's Barber Shop, said of the "maybe 40" heads he's cut at Olpin Mortuary here.
While trimming the dearly departed is easy on the ears, there can be a degree of difficulty.
"Try giving someone a flat-top when they're stiff as a plank. It's a mite tough," said Nicol, a Heber resident 55 of his 57 years.
Listening to Dick, going-away coifs may be more common than I knew, but I confess I've never had great clips in mind at funerals.
I can't remember passing the casket and going, "Check out the do on Irv. He finally licked that cowlick" or, "Good grief, Aunt Hattie went and got herself a Mohawk."
But hearing such stories is a reason Dick cuts my hair. And why one of America's traditions, the neighborhood barber shop, endures.
Gab's a reason you go. In fact, the sign on Nicol's door says, "Dick's BS." A friend painted the sign and fondly reminds him why he got into the business.
As a kid he loved hanging at Duke's Barber Shop in Heber.
"Duke'd buy a kid a root beer, and you'd listen to the old men shoot the bull," Dick said. "By fifth grade, I knew I'd be a barber."
Dick's done so well, he has one of two true barber shops left in Heber Valley out of six when he started.
"What almost killed us was the Beatles generation," Dick said. "People went to salons where they charged two bucks more because they were 'stylists.' "
Dick's survived Ol' Blue Eyes-style, doing things his way.
He doesn't cut women's hair. "Can't. Don't ask me."
Doesn't have a phone. "Can't cut and talk at the same time. Had a phone and one day I yanked it out and threw it into the alley," he said.
"I like arguing with customers, and they like arguing with me," he said. "I've always been an outlaw."
Also a pussycat. In Scouting 43 years, he earned the coveted Silver Beaver. He helped form Wasatch County Search and Rescue, serving 18 years. Divorced, he cooks most of his meals.
"I learned from my mom," he said of Laura "Pinky" Nicol, who managed the Flying V Restaurant here.
"Call her Pinky or no one'll know who you mean. She was a feisty little red-haired Irish gal," Dick said.
Dick's proudest achievement is helping raise four kids, Lorie, Curtis, Eric and Jay — the latter two University of Utah grads.
Lorie starred in track, Curtis in baseball, Eric in wrestling. Jay averaged 11 tackles in football for Wasatch High, was second in the state in voice; he went on to sing opera at the Met in New York and earn a black belt in tae kwon do.
"His music teacher said he could kill you in football on Friday night and sing at your funeral on Sunday," Dick said.
Dick, no doubt, could have cut the guy's hair.
Recently, Dick's lifelong buddy, Wayne ("Suge") Clegg died.
"Always outcoached me in Little League and razzed me about it," Dick said.
Suge being a huge U. fan, Dick was going to cut a BYU into Suge's hair.
"Gene Hoopes (Olpin owner) said, 'Suge'll just come back and haunt you,' " Dick said.
It'd have been OK with Dick if a customer got the last laugh for once.
"I still can't wait to get to work," he said. "If I die tomorrow I've had more fun than two people."
E-mail: gtwyman@desnews.com