It's midmorning at the Montessori school in Boulder, Colo., and the crescendoing voices of two boys working on a fire truck puzzle spread through a preschool classroom. Two other boys slap hands in a play fight.
Alik Christianian, a 4-year-old known for keeping the peace, walks away from her colored-pencil stencils to stand between the boys. She holds her arms out like a traffic cop.
"Stop, everybody," Alik says. "Use your words."
"Use your words" is a phrase commonly heard in the classroom, says Boulder Montessori administrator Karen Olson. Alik learned from her teacher that using words is a good way to articulate needs, rather than acting out.
Whether at Montessori or any other school or day-care center, unacceptable physical behavior — biting, hitting and throwing are the big three among toddlers and preschoolers — is par for the course in a typical school year.
Behavior problems are more common today than in the past, experts say, because children are stressed. Adult pressures — a poor economy, a fast-paced lifestyle, an unpredictable world — do not escape children. Some teachers note an increase in stress and anger among students since the Sept. 11 attacks.
But it's important to remember that acting out is normal developmental behavior, especially for tots too young to use their words, teachers say, and there are many easy, creative solutions. For kids who continue unsociable behavior through preschool age, the problem requires a strong collaborative approach between parents and schools.
In some cases, a child may have a developmental problem, such as a speech delay, and act out of frustration. Speech therapy can do wonders, parents say.
For many kids, though, stress is a contributing factor, say teachers and experts such as Jim Fay, co-founder of the Love and Logic Institute — a child-rearing program based in Golden, Colo.
"The world is more chaotic, and kids are experiencing stress that flows downhill from their parents," says Fay, a former principal who has more than 30 years' experience working with kids.
Kids tend to be in day care longer hours as parents work longer days. There is more anger seen taken out in the classroom, teachers say.
So what is a parent, a teacher, an administrator to do?
Every child is different, so a response to poor behavior depends on the child's age and a school's or parents' philosophy, experts say. But there are several key points that parents, teachers and school administrators share in a recipe for success. These include:
Adults should not overreact, but react calmly and with a well-thought-out plan. And children ought to be empowered to think for themselves, make choices and realize the consequences of their actions.
Toddlers from 18 months to 2 years old, not surprisingly, will sometimes bite, says Montessori teacher Patty West.
Biting is a sensory experience kids enjoy, experts say, much like a teething puppy. Kids also quickly learn that biting gets them what they want.
"Kids at this young age are egocentric," West says. "They think, 'It feels good to me, so it must feel good all around.' Not until age 4 do they start to understand."
Having two large rooms for toddlers gives them extra space to avoid crowding and unwanted pushing or hitting at Montessori, Olson says.
"Our staff is vigilant," Olson says. Redirecting a child's attention and teaching kids basic words like "help me" or "no" can ward off an incident.
Toni Green, director at Children's World Learning Center near Boulder, agrees. As a teacher of toddlers for seven years, she's had her fair share of kids with behavior issues, she says, including her own son when he was 2.
"He was an awful biter; every day he would take a chunk. It was so frustrating."
It's tough for kids that young to be in a large group setting, she says, noting that conflict usually arises over a popular toy. This year it's the plastic school bus.
And this year, her staff scoured garage sales to find four more buses to limit the sharing — and the fighting.
Green's son was not atypical. He bit out of a desire to sense something in his mouth, Green says. Pinning a rubber hamburger to his shirt, as well as having an assistant teacher by his side for three weeks, made a difference.
Green also asked her son to be part of caring for the child he bit. "Instead of getting to play with the school bus, I'd have him come see the teeth marks, be part of the washing and putting on a Band-Aid."
Green has a lot of empathy for parents going through behavior issues.
"I cried a lot," she says. "He was such a loving kid . . . when he got his way."
Sometimes the biting, as well as shoving or hitting, will continue even among 4- and 5-year-olds. At this stage, kids are given tools to handle conflict on their own, build self-esteem and learn to live in the world, Olson says.
"We are teaching kids problem-solving skills, whether it is how to fit the round peg in the round hole or to handle emotional issues."