Not surprisingly, Rosie O'Donnell was a big booster of the 2002 Winter Games on her talk show Monday — although not a particularly informed one.
"I loved it! The opening ceremonies! The whole thing!" said O'Donnell, who later added that the production left her "crying hysterical."
O'Donnell was particularly delighted with the American Indians in the ceremonies.
"I'm kind of an idiot, but I didn't know that there were American Indians in Utah. I thought there were just Mormons," she said. "I didn't know. I thought it was just going to be, like, the Osmond family singing."
(Rosie really does need to get out more — at least out of New York.)
"But it was beautiful with the Lion King puppets, like," she said. "I thought it was amazing."
DISSED BY REGIS: All those Utahns who are peeved at Bob Costas ought to be livid with talk-show host Regis Philbin. Not only didn't he like the opening ceremonies, he apparently doesn't like the Olympics in general.
"I'm sorry. Am I the only one in America? I cannot get into it — the Olympics," Philbin said to his "Live!" co-host, Kelly Ripa.
Ripa, for her part, expressed astonishment that snowboarding is an Olympic sport but said she does like figure skating.
"I do think that the opening ceremonies are still going on," Philbin said.
"I missed that," Ripa said.
"The longest!" Philbin added, his voice rising in that faux Regis rage of his. "Gimme a break! Start it already, will ya!"
Regis — a k a Mr. Tunnel Vision — was a great deal more enthused about Notre Dame's four-overtime win over Georgetown. Loser.
NBC'S COMPETITION: ABC doesn't have the rights to the Olympics, but "Good Morning America" isn't ignoring Salt Lake's Games.
"GMA" left its main anchors in New York but sent news reader Robin Roberts to Salt Lake City — and it was sort of odd to see her standing outside in a parka in front of the Salt Lake skyline introducing reports on the horrific fires in California and anti-American demonstrations in Iran.
Throughout the two-hour telecast, the show did various features, including one on American gold medalist Kelly Clark; drug-testing at the Games, the opening ceremonies, and one on U.S. athletes who work for Home Depot — which included video of silver medal-winning speed skater Derek Parra (whom Roberts called "Parka") at the West Valley store where he works.
The funniest bit was when substitute co-anchor George Stephanopoulos said that the near-misses during practice time between figure skaters Sasha Cohen and Michelle Kwan is "a story that's got all of Salt Lake City buzzing."
Oh, yes. We're all just buzzing about it.
If CBS's "Early Show" had anything to say about the Olympics, it had to have been during the first hour of the program, which doesn't air in Utah.
THE RATING GAME: Night Three of the Olympics averaged a 17.6 rating/27 share, easily outdistancing the competition. Through three nights, NBC is average a 20.3/33 — 23 percent higher than the first three nights in Nagano four years ago.
Once again, Salt Lake led the way with a 37/57.
HOW'S THAT AGAIN? During coverage of a ski-jumping event, NBC analyst Mike Breen commented that one of the competitors "didn't break wind" during his jump.
Um, how could he tell that from the broadcast booth?
GET A NEW LINE: So far, I've seen Dick Pound — the drug testing czar — on NBC, CNN and ABC using exactly the same line about how any athlete "with an IQ over room temperature" should know better than to use food additives and risk testing positive for banned substances.
And each time he acted as if it was a spontaneous thought that had just occurred to him.
E-MAIL: pierce@desnews.com