Milton Berle earned his nickname — "The Thief of Bad Gags" — through such jokes as these, from his book "Milton Berle's Private Joke File."
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.
I'm so henpecked I cackle in my sleep!
A worm has some things going for it. For instance — it can't fall down!
He lives on the wrong side of a one-track mind!
Last month I put in a rock garden. Two of them were dead in the morning!
They should never send up three astronauts in one capsule. Sooner or later they'll start arguing about who gets the seat by the window!
The Army is trying to become more attractive to recruits. In the mess hall now they have strolling violin players.
(A musician) played in Key West. It was the first time I knew what key he was in.
My new parrot must have been raised in a tough neighborhood. He won't talk without an attorney!
I just returned from my vacation. I'm still recovering from bus lag!
A great actor was asked for the ten thousandth time, "How'd you become a star?" He answered, "I started out as a gaseous cloud. Then I cooled."