There are some fabulous pyrotechnics in the Sci Fi Channel's miniseries "Firestarter: Rekindled," but they could have been put to better use.
Like incinerating the dreadful script, for which writer Philip Eisner should be burned at the stake. Or, failing that, simply tossing the film footage into the flames and destroying this abomination before it got out and embarrassed everyone involved.
With the possible exception of acting and direction so bad they're unintentionally funny, there's absolutely nothing of redeeming value in "Rekindled" whatsoever.
The two-part TV movie (Sunday and Monday at 7 and 9 p.m.) was shot here in Utah, and there is some lovely scenery to look at. Unfortunately, the camera then turns to the actors and they start delivering their ludicrous lines.
In this sequel , it's been 10 years since the events in the original "Firestarter" (even though it's been 18 years since the film was released and 22 years since Stephen King's book was published). Charlie McGee — the young girl with the pyrotechnic abilities played by Drew Barrymore in the movie — has grown up to be a gorgeous but troubled young woman (Marguerite Moreau) who's spent all that time on the run from the evil John Rainbird (Malcolm McDowell), the guy who gave her the drug that turned her into a human flamethrower and, along the way, murdered her parents.
Charlie tries to live as normal a life as possible, but that isn't easy. Like when she's having sex — which she does in a couple of steamy scenes with a couple of different guys — she tends to light things on fire. Which sort of kills the mood.
Rainbird and other bad guys are hunting down Charlie and the other survivors of the original experiment so they can be eliminated. Which results in several unnecessarily violent, disturbing scenes.
Of course, there's the nice young man, Vincent (Danny Nucci), who is the unwitting accomplice of the killers and turns into a love interest for Charlie. Meaning, of course, he's nearly burned to a crisp during sex.
All this is pretty dumb and tawdry and violent, but what really makes "Rekindled" just plain sick is the second generation of Rainbird's experiment — a group of pre-pubescent boys he gifts with psychic powers and turns into amoral monsters who torture and murder innocent people.
Between Rainbird and the kids, there are some scenes that are at once ludicrous and grotesque, twisted and exploitive.
And, frankly, none of this makes much sense. At the risk of giving away the obvious ending, Charlie reacts to the murder and mayhem caused by Rainbird and his young killers in an innocent town by . . . burning down what's left of the town when they're through.
How heroic.
It's hard to know whom to blame for just how awful "Firestarter: Rekindled" is. We don't expect much in the way of performances from Moreau and Nucci (and they're unsurprisingly weak). And it's not surprising that the kids range from adequate to horrendous.
But it is a bit of a surprise to see McDowell deliver a performance that has all the subtlety and believability of Snidely Whiplash. And Dennis Hopper sleepwalks his way through an unnecessary and — as it turns out, mercifully brief — role.
So let's discredit director Robert Iscove along with scriptwriter Eisner. And let's hope Sci Fi doesn't carry through on its veiled threat of turning this into a weekly series.
Now that's a scary thought.
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com