Considering that the so-called "reality" series "Looking for Love: Bachelorettes in Alaska" is on Fox, it's remarkably restrained.
The producers waited 47 seconds before showing video of an apparently unclothed, unmarried couple making out under a blanket. It's more than a minute before we hear one of the bachelorettes say, "Maybe they didn't have to say that they were in love to have sex."
For Fox, that is restraint.
"Looking for Love" — which begins a six-week run Sunday at 8 p.m. on Ch. 13 — is really just a tackier version of the show it rips off, ABC's "The Bachelor." (Fox is, after all, the network that ripped off "Survivor" and made it into "Temptation Island.")
The premise is both cheesy and ludicrous. Five women desperate for love — or, perhaps, desperate to be on TV — are transported to Alaska, where they discover "who will find the man of her dreams and who will be left waiting at the altar."
They all make their intentions clear. They each want to hook a husband, a fact that is subtly communicated by having them appear in wedding dresses as the show begins.
And the women are no more subtle than their attire. "I want to be a baby machine," one says.
We are assured that this is supposed to be a "search for a soulmate," so, of course, the women pick their first "Men on Ice" by being transported to a glacier and choosing a guy they know absolutely nothing about "on first impression, whether that be a physical attraction or some spiritual bond you may feel" says host Steven Santagati (who, by the way, seems appropriately smarmy).
"Spiritual bond"? Yeah, right. That's exactly what these people are looking for.
"We're basically this meat market, for lack of a better description, of Alaskan men," one guy says.
Soon they're back at the lodge and everybody's in the hot tub, where the "spiritual bonds" continue to develop. "Kurt's a hottie. He's got a really nice body," says bachelorette Karen, who goes on to describe him as "eye candy."
The game itself is pretty much irrelevant. New guys get a chance to take the place of the old guys; the women win money to put in the "dowries"; and cattiness and competition ensue.
There's one turn in Sunday's premiere when the five bachelorettes each have to choose a guy to go on a date with, but there are only four guys. So the guy who gets chosen by two women has to make a choice of his own — a choice that leaves bachelorette Cecile dateless. And with a severe case of sour grapes.
"You know what (ticks) me off . . . is that that one guy totally thinks that we both wanted him. And I was doing it because I felt sorry for him," Cecile said.
"This is drama-ville," one guy says
It's also, apparently, comedy-ville. As bad as the writing is on some scripted shows, the dialogue here is sometimes unintentionally, hilariously funny.
"I thought, 'Wow, that guy's a hunk of burnin' love,' " says bachelorette Sissie.
Thaddeus, 28, tells us that his perfect wife would be "a rock 'n' roll chick" who would be "so cool."
And then there's Jack trying to persuade Rebekah to make him her guy for the next round of, um, play.
"When I first saw you," he says, "your eyes sparked like the stars and reminded me of deep, dark pools of calm water. And your hair reminded me of a raven soaring in the Alaskan sky."
You have to laugh or you might retch.
Each episode concludes on "Proposal Point" (I am not making this up) where the women get to choose whether to stick with their current "Man on Ice" or, perhaps, switch to another guy. It's the equivalent of the tribal council on "Survivor," just far more stupid.
Can you find true love on TV? I suppose it's possible — but what these people really seem to be looking for is the money they can win and the chance to have their 15 minutes of fame.
That's what passes for entertainment these days on network television. At least on Fox.
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com