Some things are a given in an "Austin Powers" movie:
Scenes involving Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) will be about a million times funnier than those involving the movie's title character (Also played by Myers).
Myers will be paired with a gorgeous co-star with whom he has no chemistry whatsoever (and that co-star will give a flat, uninspired performance).
The film will start out fast and furious but will begin to lose steam as early as a third of the way in.
The vast majority of the movie will be more crude than it is funny (and will feature enough sex and flatulence gags to warrant an R rating).
To no one's surprise, all of the above hold true for the second sequel, "Austin Powers in Goldmember." Although, to its credit, the movie is at least funnier than its predecessor, the spectacularly unfunny "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me."
But it's still not as funny as the first one, which is probably where Myers and company should have stopped . . . and probably would have if the movies hadn't been such huge successes.
This time around, British superspy Austin is trying to rescue his kidnapped father, (Michael Caine), while at the same time trying to stop a new menace, a Dutchman known as Goldmember (Myers in yet another role, employing yet another silly accent).
This villain plans to use a tractor beam to bring down a meteor, causing global flooding. Unfortunately, he happens to be situated in the year 1975, so Austin has to travel back in time, where he hooks up with agent Foxxy Cleopatra (Destiny's Child vocalist Beyonce Knowles).
Of course, Goldmember manages to get away and escapes to the present. So if Austin is going to save the world once again, he must rely on his imprisoned archnemesis Dr. Evil for help.
Too often the screenplay (co-written by Myers and Michael McCullers) tries to mine laughs from crudity and big-star cameos (not to give too much away, but a send-up of "Mission: Impossible II" — filmed in Moab — kicks off the film). And director Jay Roach has an irritating tendency to linger around too long after a one-liner or a sight gag, which, at times, causes even Myers to look a bit uncomfortable.
Still, Myers' bits as Dr. Evil are funny (especially the musical number "Hard-Knock Life," performed by Myers and Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer), and don't be surprised if you're laughing during the opening sequence in spite of yourself.
"Austin Powers in Goldmember" is rated PG-13 for nonstop crude humor (gags and jokes involving sexual and bodily functions), action violence (gunplay and combat, much of it slapstick), occasional use of profanity, brief sexual contact (done for laughs), brief partial male nudity and brief drug content (a fleeting marijuana joke). Running time: 100 minutes.
E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com