The only thing scary about "feardotcom" is that the filmmakers and studio are brazen enough to attempt to pass this stinker off as a scary movie.
This alleged horror-thriller may qualify as many things — as the film progresses it is alternately annoying, dull, repetitive, nonsensical and downright disgusting — but at no time would anyone in their right mind describe it as being the least bit terrifying.
(To be completely honest, "feardotcom" is so inept in every filmmaking category that it can't even be called hilariously awful, which should in itself consign the film to some form of cinematic purgatory.)
The title refers to a Web site that apparently brings doom to all who view it — within only 48 hours and in a most gruesome fashion (including massive hemorrhaging from the eyes and nose).
New York police detective Mike Reilly (Stephen Dorff) finds himself in the unenviable position of trying to solve the site's mystery, which evidently has something to do with an enigmatic blonde (Gesine Cukrowski) who appears on it.
This mystery also may have something to do with Reilly's one unsolved case — that of "The Doctor" (Stephen Rea), a serial killer who has been videotaping his mutilations of female victims and broadcasting the footage on the Internet.
And even though Reilly is receiving help from a health-department researcher (Natascha McElhone), it may not be enough.
He's already looked at the site, so he only has 48 hours to figure things out.
It will take moviegoers less than 48 minutes to figure out that it is really going nowhere.
Josephine Coyle's script is full of holes and director William Malone's numerous allusions to such classic horror films as 1935's "Bride of Frankenstein" only reinforce how lame this stuff is.
The flat line readings and somnambulistic performances by Dorff, McElhone and Rea — all of whom have been much better during their careers — demonstrate that even the cast doesn't care enough to try.
So why should the audience?
"Feardotcom" is rated R for violence (gunplay and violence against women), graphic gore, female nudity, scenes of torture, occasional use of strong sex-related profanity and brief sexual contact. Running time: 98 minutes.
E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com