In the latest effort to beautify the state, West Valley City Council members say they want to limit the number of billboards in their city.
Which is a nice idea — two decades ago.
It's a little late. While they're at it, why not cap the number of strip malls and pizza joints.
The community leaders of Utah's second-largest city say they have a glut of billboards. No kidding. You can't see the signs through the forest of signs, which are blocking other signs.
On a clear day, you can see signs forever. Signs, signs, everywhere a sign. It's how you know you found this place — the signs. Signs could become a tourist attraction, provided you erect another sign inviting visitors to come see the signs.
Signs have become such a problem in West Valley City that it was the basis for a recent Hollywood movie of the same name — starring Mel Gibson — in which the country is invaded by evil signs.
The West Valley Council claims that its city has 52 billboards in all. Fifty-two?! Do they mean on one block? I'm not sure what the difference is between a sign and a billboard, but it can't be much. There are hundreds of them on Redwood Road alone.
"We want to clean up our image with all the signs that are out there," says City Councilman Russ Brooks.
Brooks says the City Council worries that the signs are not only an eyesore but also a distraction to drivers (who are trying to concentrate on their cell phones, CD players and their kids' homework). They're probably just one Victoria's Secret billboard away from a major pileup.
Signs are a major distraction on 3500 South. You can get disoriented trying to read them all while keeping pace with the traffic, which is barreling along at approximately 8 miles per hour when you factor in traffic jams, stoplights and sign reading. The signs are a blur passing by the window . . .
GUN SHOW. PREGNANT AND SCARED? BAIL BONDS. CYCLE SHOP. HUBCAPS. LINGERIE AND BOUTIQUE. BAIL BONDS. QUIT TOBACCO. BOATS. PAWN. BINGO AND DINNER. BAIL BONDS. PAWN. AUTO PARTS. PIZZA. BAIL BONDS. PAWN. PIZZA. CASH LOANS. AUTO GLASS. WEIGHT WATCHERS. PAWN. BAIL BONDS.
What are they expecting, a Hell's Angels convention? Woodstock III? If I ever need some quick cash to get sprung from jail, I'll know where to go.
I suppose you can't judge a city by its signs. But if you could, the signs point to bigger problems than signs.
West Valley City has a moratorium on signs, as do Layton, Lehi, Provo and Salt Lake City. It's about time. The entire valley is overrun with signs, which detracts from the beauty of the winter smog and barren trees this time of year.
As you go the speed limit of 70 to 90 miles per hour on I-15, the signs come up awfully fast — UTE BASKETBALL, LASIK SURGERY, BOTOX, TEETH WHITENER, CRACKER BARREL, RACE AND SPORTS BOOK, BEER, BEER WOMAN WITH (WHOA) LOW CUT DRESS ON, A LAW FIRM, MORE BEER, A BOOKSTORE, UTE GYMNASTS, CHEVROLET, BEER, RESTAURANTS, ACURA, KSL RADIO, WEDDING STORE, WINDOW BLINDS, SELF-STORAGE.
Signs are taking over. And to think that when Brigham Young first arrived in the valley, there was only one sign in the entire valley.
Or was that a tree? For its part, West Valley City hopes eventually to cut the signage significantly. It's never going to look like Santa Barbara or the other California coast towns that ban highway signs completely, namely because where West Valley City has wall-to-wall concrete and asphalt, California has actual trees and grass, not to mention an ocean.
"We'd like to get them out of residential areas," says Brooks, referring to signs, not trees and grass. "We don't allow any more pole signs. They have to be monument signs, closer to the ground."
Call it a sign of the times.
E-MAIL: drob@desnews.com