Dear Abby: I had hoped last Christmas would be different, but it turned out to be the same as every other Christmas for the past 14 years. My husband and I always go to his parents' house for Christmas dinner, followed by the exchange of gifts. In all the years I've been married to their son, my in-laws have never once included me in the gift exchange.
When we started our family, they were good about giving a gift to each grandchild — and always to my husband — but never to me. Trust me, Abby, it's not the gift I care about. It's the fact that they go through this routine in my husband's presence, and he never says one word about it.
How should I handle it next year? If I speak up, it could cause a family feud, and dissension between my husband and me. Must I simply resign myself to the fact that this is the way it is? Please tell me what you think. — Extremely Rejected in New Jersey
Dear Extremely Rejected: For your in-laws to exclude you at Christmas is cruel, insensitive and rude. For your husband to let this go on year after year and say nothing is spineless.
Tell him that unless you can be assured that you'll be treated with the respect you deserve next Christmas, it will be your last with his family — and you and the children will make other plans.
Dear Abby: My 88-year-old mother has vascular dementia but is still able to live in her own home with 24-hour caregivers. Recently, Mom's sister, "Velda," visited her and asked the caregiver on duty to bring her a silver pitcher from Mother's dining room. Velda told the caregiver, "No one needs to know," and took it.
Of course, the caregiver promptly reported the incident to me, and I picked up the phone and confronted Aunt Velda. At first she denied taking the pitcher — then she said it had originally belonged to their deceased brother. Then she accused ME of wanting it for myself and ended the conversation by sarcastically saying she thought Mother seemed "fine" to her — and hung up on me!
What makes this so aggravating is it isn't the first time this has happened. One of my brothers says to forget it. The other is ready to file theft charges. What is the appropriate action, Abby? — Devoted Daughter in Houston
Dear Devoted Daughter: You are fortunate that your mother's caregiver reported the theft promptly. Instead of filing charges, instruct the caregiver to call you or your brothers the next time "Aunt Velda" shows up at the door.
Dear Abby: In a few minutes, I have to start getting dressed. I haven't worn a suit since I buried my older brother last year. In one hour, I'll bury my lovely wife. I'm so glad my son could fly in. I need him so much at this time.
Abby, please urge your women readers to get that Pap smear now. Tell the guys to take them. Don't let them put it off. Cancer is a monster. Just ask anyone who has seen it up close. — Wes in Phoenix
Dear Wes: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Your message is sobering and certainly worth space in my column.
Readers, cancer is often treatable — if it is caught early. The screening tests that exist today are effective only if they're performed. Please don't gamble with your health by postponing them. (And I'm not just talking about Pap tests!)
Dear Abby: My wife and I invited another couple, whom we had not previously entertained, to our home for dinner. When my wife told me what she planned to serve, I told her she would do well to ask our guests if they liked that particular "exotic" dish, or if they had any dietary or religious restrictions or dislikes.
My wife insists that to do so would be impolite and unnecessary. Now there's a quarrel brewing over this. Who's right? — Iron Stomach Spouse, Sun City, Calif.
Dear Spouse: You are. A thoughtful hostess lets guests know what she's planning to serve in case they have food allergies or medical conditions. Not only is it thoughtful, it's good insurance.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. © Universal Press Syndicate