Question: If my kids invite a friend to the movies, are we obliged to pay? On the other hand, if my kids are invited somewhere with a friend, should I assume that the friend's parents will pay, or should I send my kids with money? I never know what to do in situations like these, and they make me feel awkward.
Answer: If you feel awkward, imagine how your kids would feel if they thought their friend's parents were going to pay for their admission to an amusement park — and the parents never had any intention of doing so.
Make it a point to talk to parents ahead of time, whether your child is the guest or the host, to clarify what's expected. Follow these rules:
Assume your child will have to pay for admission and snacks if he is invited to go bowling or paintballing, to see a movie or to go on some other outing.
If your child is invited on a longer excursion — say, a trip during spring break — assume that transportation by car is covered, but that you will have to pay for airfare or train tickets. Ask the host parents how much your child will need for spending money.
Accept graciously if the host parent offers to pay for meals, tickets or other expenses. But if your child will be away for several days, make sure that he or she has pocket money for incidental expenses and to treat the host family to ice cream or breakfast out as a thank-you.
If you're the one issuing the invitation, avoid any misunderstandings by telling the other child's parents what you intend to pay for, as in, "We'll be paying for Joanie's meals at the beach, but she might want to bring some money in case the kids go to a movie or shop for souvenirs."
If your child issues a spur-of-the-moment invitation to the movies, be prepared to pay for your guest. Neither the guest nor her parents has planned for the expense and may not have money on hand to cover it.
In the future, if your kids want to take a friend on an outing that costs money, they should call the night before to extend the invitation. That way, you can tell the child's parents if the treat's on you, and, if not, what the approximate cost will be. That gives them the opportunity to decline gracefully or send their kids prepared to pay.
Have a question about kids and finances for Dr. Tightwad? Write to Dr. T at 1729 H St., N.W., Washington, D.C. 20006. Or send the good doctor an e-mail message (and any other questions for this column) to jbodnar@kiplinger.com.