See Britney Spears in a bra and panties and other, similarly skimpy outfits. See Britney Spears lip-sync some of her hits. See Britney Spears bump and grind with moves so suggestive they could make some Las Vegas showgirls blush.
Actually, the movie "Crossroads," which marks the teen-
pop diva's feature film acting debut, is an awful lot like one of her music videos in content — except that it goes on for at least 90 more minutes and, worse, that you have to pay if you want to see it.
Still, her hordes of screaming young fans will probably eat it up with a spoon, while the rest of us probably couldn't care less.
And truth be told, the whole thing would be a lot easier to swallow if the film wasn't sending the wrong message about premarital sex and if it didn't feel so much like an excuse for Spears to massacre Joan Jett's canonical "I Love Rock 'n' Roll," among other songs.
Spears stars as Lucy, a brainy, virginal Georgia high school student. To the horror of her strict father (Dan Aykroyd), she's interested in music, as well as her mother (Kim Cattrall) who abandoned her when she was 3. So he forbids Lucy from doing anything with either.
However, he's got little control over her actions when she decides to head out on a road trip with Kit (Zoe Saldana) and Mimi (Taryn Manning), two fellow students who were once her best friends but have become estranged.
Each girl has her own reasons for heading West. Mimi is pregnant and heading to Hollywood to try out for a recording contract, while Kit is hoping to reunite with her fianc, whom she hasn't seen in more than a year.
Accompanying the teens and driving them is Ben (Anson Mount), Mimi's mysterious acquaintance. Despite her obvious reservations, Lucy finds herself intrigued and smitten by him, and the feeling seems to be mutual.
That the outcome of each of these story threads is entirely predictable is only the start of the film's problems. There are also continuity errors galore, including the shrinking and expanding belly of Manning's character and the characters' on-again, off-again Georgia accents.
To be fair to Spears, she's not the worst actress in the world, and her chemistry with co-star Mount is believable. But director Tamra Davis and cinematographer Eric Edwards seem bound and determined to photograph her in the most exploitative manner possible.
"Crossroads" is rated PG-13 for vulgarity (crude sexual talk and some lewd dancing), scattered use of profanity (mostly religiously based), brief violence (including a bar brawl) and a brief, fairly discreet sex scene. Running time: 94 minutes.
E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com