My sister is mean, hurtful and violent. She treats me like trash when my parents aren't around. What do I do? No one knows she treats me this way. — Mary, 13, Anadarko, Okla.
Do you think that if you said something to your parents, they'd just assume you and your sister are having the usual sibling rivalry and wouldn't do anything about it? I'm not saying it is your usual sibling rivalry, but if the answer is yes, you just might be playing a part in the way your sister treats you without realizing it. I mean, are you always in her room, borrowing her stuff without asking, or hanging out when her friends are around? If that's the case, then your sister might be acting mean to you because she wants her space — and she thinks that's the only way to get it. She's not going about it in a very mature way, I'll admit, but there are things you can do to help yourself here. Think about what you could do differently — like, not taking her things without asking her first or having your own friends over instead of tagging along with hers — and see if she starts being nicer to you. It could be that all she really needs is for you to give her that breathing room.
But just in case it's more serious — like, if by "violent" you mean she hits you — then you're going to have to tell your parents. There is such a thing as sibling abuse, and it's very common, even though you don't hear much about it. It can also be just as destructive as any other kind of abuse, so you shouldn't try to deal with it alone — you and your sister might need to see a counselor. And the sooner you tell your parents what's going on, the sooner they can get you the help you and your sister need to mend your relationship. If you don't feel like you can go to your parents, call Childhelp USA at 1-800-4-A-CHILD, which has trained professionals who can listen to the specifics of your situation and advise you about what to do. It won't be easy, Mary, but it's something you've got to do if you're ever going to feel safe at home. You've taken the first step in getting help by writing to me — now take the next one. You owe it to yourself.
I set up two of my close friends, and they have been going out for a couple of months. The other day I found out he cheated on her, and I don't know what to do. I feel I should tell her because she's my best friend, but if I tell her I will lose another close friend. — Christina, 15, Staten Island, N.Y.
Eeek! This is sticky, sister. But keep in mind that your guy friend didn't just betray his girlfriend — he's revealed a side of himself that you don't respect. On those grounds, you have every right to call him on it without feeling bad about it — he should be the one feeling bad, right? So let him know that if he doesn't tell her the truth, then he's given you no choice but to tell her yourself, because you have a responsibility to your friend to look out for her — you'd expect her to do the same for you, wouldn't you? Hopefully this was just a mistake that he's sorry for, and he'll talk to her and they can move on. But no matter what happens with them, you need to stand by the friend who's innocent.
Questions may be sent directly to Atoosa Rubenstein at: askcosmogirl@cosmogirl.com. Atoosa Rubenstein, the founding editor of CosmoGirl! magazine, is the editor in chief of Seventeen magazine. © King Features Syndicate Inc.